Dumb it down

According to The Irish Examiner, a drought in mid-west America and scorching temperatures in Portugal are all leading to a possible shortage of popcorn, which will surely cause the cinema chains around the world who charge inordinate money for a bag, to sh*t themselves… then probably place one of those black bags over the seat.

By Mike Sheridan

How bad is it?

Pretty damn bad. A farmer in Vigo County, Indiana told Reuters, "This is the worst season we’ve ever had.” He added, "In some places, they’re going to be down to counting kernels at the bottom of the storage bins." I’ve done that in the cinema before when the film was crap and I was bored. In Portugal temperatures have soared causing similar problems.

What does this mean?

Well apart from people switching their allegiances to hot dogs and nachos, it means that like, say, oil, the price has shot up. Whereas in normal circumstances cinema chains and shops could have expected to pay €16 for a 50Ib bag, it will now cost as much as €30 – with that number set to rise.

Now they know what it feels like – am I right?

Not really, no high five for you. Cinemas make the vast majority of their profits on their confectionary stands, hence why the prices are so high. The movie studios supply the movies, the reels (or digital keys) and the marketing and the cinema chains screen them to the best of their ability. So, naturally, they take the chunk of the profits. So, like in any case where prices suddenly rise, this is a bad thing.

Ah the drought won’t last forever…

It’s the longest on record since 1956. If it continues it could damn well be a confectionary crisis. And we’ll just have to get used to crappy nacho dips.