Dumb it down

Every year the All-Ireland finals come and every year there’s a frenzied scarpering for tickets. But how do those 82,300 seats get filled at Croke Park? With Mayo and Donegal set to do battle for Sam, and Kilkenny and Galway locking horns in the hurling, we break down how those sought after seats get arses on them.

By Mike Sheridan

How much would the tickets set us back?

Final prices for this year haven’t been released yet, but last year would’ve set you back €80 for a stand ticket while you could pick up a terrace seat for €40. So expect it to be in and around the same; there are also apparently premium tickets knocking around for the guts of €200 a pop.

What are my chances of getting one?

Slim. There are no public tickets released. So you have to be in the know, or possibly related to one of the players or selectors.  In saying that you could always stalk eBay like a creep in the bushes outside Jessica Biel’s gaff - but expect to pay big bucks.

Damn it! Who gets them then?

According to TheJournal.ie, last years tickets went to the following… *deep breath* County allocations: 58,401, Provinces: 335, Overseas: 470, Central Council and former Presidents: 798, Camogie: 120, Ladies’ football: 150, Rounders and handball: 147, Sponsors: 935, Press: 254 (we want some of these), TV and radio: 74, Schools and educational bodies: 2,229, 3rd Level: 240, Croke Park residents: 250, Match officials and national referees’ panel: 103, Irish Sports Council and health bodies: 60, Match day / Vertigo / minor teams: 148, GAA staff and sub-committees: 718, Jubilee teams: 68, Mini-sevens: 244, Term tickets: 4,144,Season tickets: 1,884… any one got a calculator to see if that adds up?

Can JOE hook me up with tickets?

No, we love you but not enough to mug one of the 82,300 odd ticket holders above. If you look a bit like Marty Morrissey  ya might get in, though; just bring something that resembles a microphone and start practicing that million dollar Marty smile.