Five of the worst superheroes ever
Newcastle United launched their own superhero this week, Whey Aye Man, so that got us thinking, what other rubbish superheroes have there been? Turns out there has been loads.
On the back of Newcastle United launching the brilliantly named Whey Aye Man on the world this week, we decided to look around to see if we could find a few other rubbish superheroes. It wasn’t too hard to find a long list of crappy men, women and aliens in tights and capes but here’s our favourite five.
5. Squirrel Girl
Now a somewhat cult figure for being so clearly rubbish, this Marvel creation must have came about on a Monday morning. Her only power is to control squirrels. Which she does to battle evil doers. In fact, the only thing we do like about Squirrel Girl is that her sidekick squirrel is called Monkey Joe. Great name, if he was a monkey.
4. The Legion of Super-Pets
This mid-60s creation is, as advertised, a bunch of super animals. There’s Comet the Super Horse, Krypto (dog), Streaky (cat), Beppo (monkey) and Proty II (who is an alien). We have no idea how the alien joined up or what the super pets could do apart from maybe do super dumps on your lawn.
3. Arm Fall Off Boy
This sounds like the lads in DC Comics were trying to come up with the stupidest superpower ever and they might have succeeded here. All this ‘superhero’ can do is take off his arm and hit you with it. Not great, eh? Arm Fall Off Boy made just one appearance in comics, to the absolute surprise of nobody.
2. Matter-Eater Lad
Yep, that’s his name. And what this superhero can do is eat anything in his path. An alien from a planet where they have evolved to eat everything as a survival trick, Matter-Eater Lad comes to Earth to join the Legion of Super Heroes. And he lives up to his name by eating anything put in front of him. Impressive and a bit useless at the same time.
1. Dog Welder
There could be only one winner, and Dog Welder romps away with the title. A demented character who appears in a fairly demented crew called Section 8, Dog Welder is a welder in a silver suit who welds dead dogs to baddies’ faces. It might be odd but it would certainly stop them committing more heinous crimes. This DC creation also never speaks, preferring to let his welder and stock of dead canines do the talking for him.
Do you know any more crappy superheroes that can match these? Please let us know. We might do another five if we get enough.