Easygoing Five: Five of the worst sporting excuses

The English press blamed England’s lacklustre performance against Poland on sleeping tablets, but it’s far from the worst excuse offered up for sporting failure. Here are five of the most ridiculous sporting excuses we’ve ever heard.

5. Alex Ferguson blames Manchester United defeat on infamous grey away strip

You all know this one already, but it’s so completely preposterous that it deserves another retelling.

3-0 down at half-time to Southampton at the Dell, Fergie sent his players out for the second half wearing a blue and white change strip after he claimed that the players couldn’t pick each other out from the crowd in the hardly-used grey kit they wore before half-time.

Strangely enough, it didn’t make a world of difference in the second half as United lost the game 3-1, although no doubt Fergie will claim that the change of strip was the crucial factor behind his side winning the second half.

United’s then-kit manufacturers Umbro couldn’t have been too pleased that their creation was given such a hammering in public, although many Red Devils’ fans will claim that it’s still nicer than the tartan patterned monstrosity they wear as their home kit at present.

4. Low clouds behind England cricket team’s defeat to South Africa in 1999

Clouds can often affect sporting fixtures, but only when they produce rain, snow or some other natural weather element.

In the case of the England cricketers’ defeat to South Africa, they were simply lying in the sky minding their own business, but because they were so low they caused the visitors to lose four wickets to only two runs, resulting in their lowest ever test score in defeat to the hosts in Johannesburg.

We can only assume that the England lads were living on said clouds when they made the excuse.

3. Kenny Dalglish once said Newcastle drew Stevenage because the balls were too bouncy

Kenny Dalglish was quite guarded in his dealings with the media in his most recent spell as Liverpool manager, but it might have been a good thing considering some of the things he came out with in the past.

King Kenny dipped into the Fergie pool of excuses during his time in charge of Newcastle in the late 90s, claiming that a draw with lowly Stevenage in the FA Cup was because the balls were “too bouncy”.

The rest of the football world laughed, while Stevenage locked all of the extra bouncy footballs they secretly rolled out for the occasion away in a closet and smiled contentedly at a job well done.

2. Darts player Mervyn King blames loss to Raymond van Barneveld on air conditioning

If darts were an open air sport then the wind would certainly be a factor, but surely nobody can use it as an excuse in an indoor arena. Well Mervyn King did, blaming what must have been incredibly powerful air conditioning for his World Championships semi-final in 2003.

A bit cool in here, what do you think Merv?

“I asked for it (the air conditioning) to be turned off before I went up there and it wasn't. I asked for it to be turned off at the break - it wasn't. The air conditioning doesn't affect Raymond because he throws a heavier dart and a very flat dart.”

Even though King claimed that the air-con was responsible for making Merv’s darts swerve all over the place, the organisers were insistent that the air conditioning was turned off for the entire match. Who do we believe? Well, we’ve never heard it used an as excuse before or since so we’d have our doubts.

1. Tennis player blames defeat on opponent farting too much

Speaking of wind, an even more bizarre excuse than King’s was used by Zambian tennis player and household name Lighton Ndefwayl for his loss to Musumba Bwayla in a local tournament in 1992.

“Bwayla is a stupid man and a hopeless player,” Ndefwayl said afterwards.

“He has a huge nose and is cross-eyed. Girls hate him. He beat me because my jockstrap was too tight and because when he serves he farts, and that made me lose my concentration, for which I am famous throughout Zambia.”

He’s now famous for possibly the worst, probably the most ridiculous and easily the most bitter excuse ever heard in sporting circles.