Eddie Durkan from The Hardy Bucks gives JOE his twisted view of the world
With the show blazing a trail on RTE2 at the moment, Hardy Buck in chief Eddie Durkan took time out for a quick catch-up with JOE.
JOE: Well Eddie, what are you up to at the moment Eddie? Still stuck in Castletown?
Eddie Durkan: I can’t reveal that for legal reasons. You can’t put me on the spot like that, man.
JOE: Fair enough, but if it is Castletown where you’re based, have you not plans to head away from there? I’ve heard you mention Galway or even America lately…
ED: Well I’ll tell you this now, there’s many a night I’d be in Galway on the piss. Galway’s only down the road, it’s living there that’s the tough part, putting a deposit on the house and all that kind of craic. As I do say to the lads, you gotta get outta the town for an aul’ piss-up, but we don’t know where we’re gonna go. Any which way we can, boy.
JOE: So the world is your oyster?
ED: Well, that’s what she said last night.
JOE: Maybe you’re better off sticking around anyway Eddie. With the likes of Enda Kenny as Taoiseach and Michael D as President, the west of Ireland is taking over the country at the moment…
ED: Well it’s about f***ing time, the west has been where it’s at for centuries; it’s a revolution for the wesht at the moment.
JOE: Speaking of the well-known, now that you’re a big TV star do you get recognised on the street a lot more and how do you cope with all the fame?
ED: Well, I was a recognisable auld skin already with the red hair and people would see me coming, but instead of being that eejit from Castletown, now it’s that eejit from the telly.
I was out in Ballina the other day and I got a w*nk for myself off a large lady at a burger stand. At that hour of the morning you can’t say no.
JOE: What time of the morning was it?
ED: It was about 4 in the afternoon.
JOE: And were there many people there?
ED: About half the town were there watching. I didn’t mind, like.
JOE: Taking advantage of the celebrity status then. Have you any recently acquired celeb friends?
ED: No, not really because I haven’t really left the town and there’s no celebs in Castletown. I was promised the w*nk from Kerry Katona though; she’s going writing about it in Heat magazine next week.
JOE: Buzz doesn’t seem to need any promises like that. His love life is thriving at the moment.
ED: Buzz has got a few things lined up, he has an auld MILF on the go but no one has ever seen what she looks like. I’ve never seen her before but I’ve heard she’s a bit of a reputation around the town for doing stuff behind closed doors, cloak and dagger shtyle.
JOE: What do you do yourself to wow the ladies?
ED: I’d be throwing myself at women on a regular basis. Usually my advances are thwarted or diverted, but I’ve come to the conclusion that the secret of getting women is dressing up in fancy stuff.
Eddie with Buzz, Boo and arch nemesis, The Viper
I’m off now to get some Watson tops and Wrangler jeans from the local shop – Brant Rock in Castlebar, man. I’m getting a pair of jeans and cutting slits up the side of them so they look like bellbottoms. I’m also going to get one of those chains as well that goes from the wallet to the jeans.
JOE: What about skinny jeans?
ED: F*ck that skinny jeans craic, Paul Galvin and all that craic, like. Paul Galvin told me that if you wear a pair of jeans and you can see the lad, if you can see the meat and two veg, that women love it. That’s why Galvin is tapping everyone from DCU to UCD.
JOE: Going back to the lads, how’s Toasteen (French Toast)? He’s having problems giving up the gargle at the moment?
ED: Toasteen, ah sure he’s on and off the beer like a f*cking yo-yo, man. He’s like an anti-man, on a salad diet at the moment so he is. One week it’s carbohydrates, the next week it’s protein, the next week it’s cabbage, you know what I mean.
JOE: Giving up the drink isn’t something you’d consider doing yourself?
ED: There’s many a time I’ve considered it, but it’s not an option at the moment with lads buying me free pints. The times have never been better to be drinking, so I’m better off for now. I do wake up in the morning sometimes though with the doom, wondering what the f*ck I’m doing on TV, airing my dirty laundry in public.
JOE: And has the Viper been up to any of his old tricks lately?
ED: The Viper’s always up to a bit of trickery. I don’t know what he’s up to, who he’s doing it with, but I want him to stay out of my business. He’s an awful habit of being in my ointment, like a fly. I don’t want him to have anything to do with me and I don’t want anything to do with him. I don’t want to even talk about him, it’s putting me in bad form.
JOE: What’s this about him giving you a dodgy DVD?
ED: That’s right, there’s a girl I’m seeing at the moment and I brought the DVD (Paranormal Activity 3) around to her aul pair’s gaff to watch it on the couch. Next thing, I put it on and it’s a 90-minute cum-shot compilation. It didn’t go down too well.
JOE: Right. So what does the future hold for Eddie Durkan and the Bucks?
ED: I don’t really know, hopefully I might get a bit of work on the site shortly enough. Before everyone else gets back from Australia the work might pick up and I might get a bit of work plastering again.
I used to be on the sites the whole time, plastering, labouring, a bit of brick work, anything. You can call me anything but just don’t call me early in the morning.
JOE: Anything else you’d like to add yourself Eddie?
ED: If there’s any woman out there looking for a shturdy man, looking for a bit of chaperoning, for a bit of how’s your auntie, just give me an auld shout. You’ll get me on the Bebo, the Bebo’s gone wild.
JOE: No problem Eddie, we’ll get the message out there.