The five worst ever football songs

Now that we’ve officially qualified, the race is on to find Ireland’s official anthem for Euro 2012 (which you can help us with over here). Let’s hope it's nothing like these musical abominations.

By Conor Heneghan

What was once a dying breed, the football song is back and destined to make a massively significant comeback now that Ireland have secured their place in Poland and Ukraine next summer. Throughout history, there have been some memorable musical odes to the deeds of footballers around the world, but unfortunately, there have also been tunes that have sounded worse than a cat eating a set of bagpipes.

For every 'Joxer goes to Stuttgart', there’s an 'Anfield Rap', for every 'Put ‘Em Under Pressure', there’s mulleted duo Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle tainting their legacy with songs that have impacted on society more than anything they ever did on a football pitch.

It was a tough list to compile with numerous potential candidates, but we’ve whittled it down to what we deem to be the five worst football songs of all time. Brace your ears.

Ireland World Cup 2010 song

We all know what happened on that fateful night in Paris and yes, it was an absolute travesty that we didn’t qualify for last year’s World Cup, but one consolation we can take from our absence in South Africa was the fact that we weren’t constantly plagued with the sound of this song coming from the airwaves.

The brainchild of Dermot Whelan, David Moore and Siobhan O'Connor from 98 FM’s Morning Crew and set to the tune of Alexandra Burke’s ‘Bad Boys’ the song tries to be catchy and humorous, but fails miserably. Ireland have set the standard when it comes to football songs and this one fails miserably to keep up.

Jim Jim Nugent – I’m Mick McCarthy’s Baby

This effort comes from Jim Jim of eh, Jim Jim fame. Conjured prior to Ireland’s appearance at the 2002 World Cup, the whole song is based around the fact that the line ‘I’m Mick McCarthy’s Baby’ fits ever so nicely into the oft-repeated chorus in David Byrne’s summer anthem ‘Lazy’.

After hearing it a couple of times, however, it quickly gets old, yet we still have to listen to it for an excruciating three minutes and 20 seconds. And to think, this guy is one of RTE’s top ten earners. The mind boggles.

Gazza – Geordie Boys

Of all the mistakes Gazza has made in his turbulent life to date, this ranks up there with the best of them. Raoul Moate’s best mate sings about what it’s like to be a Geordie Boy, which seems to be drinking, playing darts and trying to strip and jog simultaneously while clad in an unzipped white shellsuit. God, the stuff footballers could get away with in the eighties.

Basile Boli and Chris Waddle – We’ve got a feeling

Chris Waddle has something of a chequered musical career, indeed we toyed with the idea of including Glenn Hoddle collaborations ‘Diamond Lights’ and ‘It’s Goodbye’ in this list. His worst duet, however, is undoubtedly this ill-advised piece of sh*te with former Marseille team mate Basile Boli, most memorable for the loud and rather bizarre animations featured throughout the video.

At least Waddle ditched the mullet for this one and instead opted for a risky yet innovative comb-over do. We think he just about pulls it off.

Kevin Keegan – Head over heels in love

Newcastle has a lot to answer for. In this list, there are two songs from Irish artists and three from Geordies and judging by the likes of Cheryl Cole and Joe McElderry, the Toon keeps churning out deplorable musical acts by the barrelful.

This upbeat number failed to make an impact in England, but it reached number ten in Germany, where Keegan was based at the time. A second single, ‘England’ failed to feature in the charts at all. Compared to the rest of the acts here, Keegan isn’t actually that bad and we would ‘love it’ if he’d give his singing career a second chance.

Can you think of any others that should have made the list? Feel free to let us know in the comment box below.