It might seem a like a long time since playing football on makeshift grounds was an almost daily occurrence for a lot of us, but the terms we all used in the course of action will never be forgotten. Here are some of our favourites.

‘House/Man On’

‘Man on’ is probably more popular and used more universally than ‘House’ these days, but both are instantly recognisable as a method of letting a team-mate know that there was an opposition player in close proximity, an opposition player who may or may not have not been about to chop said teammate down with a vicious tackle from behind.

‘That was way over’

Only the very privileged got to play football on a pitch with actual goalposts, or even against a wall with goalposts marked out, so both the width and height of the frame of the goal were largely down to the discretion of whoever happened to be standing there. Just above head height was generally accepted as the height for the crossbar, but there was always bound to be a dispute when things got tight and without the benefit of replays, ‘keepers often had to jump with their hands in the air to illustrate that, in their minds at least, the ball had gone way over and not under the imaginary crossbar.

Jumpers for goalposts

As it was made popular by The Fast Show this was more of an English saying but it certainly applied on these shores as well in cases that there were no goalposts, or indeed hedges, sticks, big rocks (a dangerous but frequently used alternative to goalposts), etc. Players who had the most number of layers on were normally required to give up their clothing in this case, although in fine weather there was normally no shortage of items of clothing because teams often employed the ‘shirts vs. skins’ method so teams could identify each other more easily.

Knock it in the far post, like

Again inspired by a Paul Whitehouse character, Julio Geordio from Harry Enfield and Chums, a simple request to hit a cross to the back stick was replaced by ‘Knock it in the far post like’ at the height of the show’s popularity in the mid to late 90s. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSXzRWlL7Z0

Last man back/Fly ‘keeper

In a theme which has continued to five-a-side games on Astroturf these days, nobody really wanted to go in goals back in the day, which led to the highly effective Last Man Back/Fly ‘Keeper method to determine which member of the team was allowed to handle the ball in the box. It was important to determine which method was being used, however, because fly ‘keepers weren’t averse to going on ambitious solo runs up the pitch and not bothering to return to goal when the solo run inevitably came to an end, leading to their teammates having to produce spectacular saves with their feet and heads instead.

‘Not In’

Speaking of players not wanting to go in goal, deciding on the unlucky ‘keeper was usually the result of a highly scientific process of one person roaring ‘Not In’ at the top of their voice and whoever was the last to follow suit got stuck in nets. A totally fair and indisputable method, we think you’ll agree.

Goal-hanger

Arguably the worst term a player could be dubbed with, a goal-hanger, as the term suggests, would barely move from the opposition goalmouth and capitalise on the trojan work of their teammates by attempting to tap the ball into the net having done absolutely no work in the build-up. The Pippo Inzaghi of the schoolyard, if you will.

Ladies Tee/Happy Birthday

A withering term to describe the attempts of players to steal a few yards when taking free-kicks/penalties, etc. A Dublin-born member of the JOE office reliably informs me that 'Happy Birthday' was used in similar circumstances in the capital.

Nuts/Megs

Much as it seems to be in the professional game, having the ball put through your legs intentionally by an opponent was the ultimate humiliation a player could suffer on the pitch, a humiliation compounded by the loud shout of ‘Nuts’ or ‘Megs’ that followed from the triumphant party afterwards.

Heads and Volleys/60

When there weren’t enough bodies around for a game, heads and volleys or 60 (depending on where you lived) was a decent alternative, although Three and In and World Cup also worked pretty well too. The object of the game, as the title suggests, was to score a goal directly via a header or a volley or by any method whereby contact was made without the ball touching the ground. Players would have to go into nets if a goal was scored that didn’t adhere to the above rules or, in some cases, if the ‘keeper made a clean catch or, in the case of ‘60’, if they didn’t score a required amount of goals in a certain time limit.

Car! / Game On

Inspired by Wayne’s World, this would only apply to games that were actually played on the street or in an estate where there was an actual danger of players or (God forbid) the ball, being run over by passing motorists. It should be added that the more mischievous players would intentionally lob the ball in the direction of the passing cars and then protest their innocence to the angry motorists afterwards. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzaZkdljxlo If there are any terms we have forgotten, feel free to scold us for forgetting them and then reminding us of what they were on Facebook, Twitter or by e-mail at shout@joe.ie.