JOE's Transfer Tracker

It doesn’t take much to get our transfer juices flowing here so we feel horribly short changed by Bayern Munich’s antics today.

Another day in the transfer window was bringing us the usual raft of Carlos Tevez rumours (AC Milan are back in for him, in case you were wondering) while the capture by Bolton of American defender Tim ‘D’ Ream looked like being the top story.

Then word arrived in the office that Bayern Munich were about to announce a major new signing and the mood in JOE Towers changed. At last, a big deal in this moribund window we thought.

Spectacular, spectacular

“There will be a spectacular signing for the attack,” said Bayern general manager Christian Nerlinger while club president Uli Hoeness said the club were about to sign “a real bomb”. Speculation in the office saw names like Dimitar Berbatov, Tevez, Kaka and Kenny Miller (one of those was joke) bandied about as we gathered around to watch the live internet stream of the announcement.

When it was revealed that the ‘signing’ was a new Facebook App we were appalled. And if we were appalled, imagine how the Bayern fans felt? If such a stunt was pulled by a Liverpool or Man United the supporers would tear the stadium down and heads would have to roll. You can do a lot to fans but don’t mess them around when it comes to "spectacular" new signings. It’s like telling someone they won the Lotto as a joke. You just don’t go there.

We imagine that whichever Sky Sports reporter was sent to cover any English version of this debacle would either lead the charge of disgruntled fans or be ripped limb from limb by replica-shirt wearing madmen. It wouldn’t be pretty or fit for broadcast at lunchtime.

Back in the real world - and we use that term advisedly - Chelsea have said ‘no thanks’ to ponying up an incredible £83million to bring Hulk from Porto to London but they are apparently edging closer to making their side look less like their famous Pensioners.

Shakhtar Donetsk midfielder Willian, 23, is already talking about his potential new home like a giddy teenager, declaring: "I have friends in the Brazil side who play for Chelsea, like David and Ramires. All they talk about is the thrill of being in a city like London and playing for a club like Chelsea."

Meanwhile, Genk winger Kevin de Bruyne, 20, could be a Chelsea player by the end of the week with his people doing the talking with Roman Abramovich’s people as we speak.

Chelsea are certainly freshening up then, but others are staying put. Fulham won’t sell Bobby Zamora or Andy "Andrew" Johnson in this window, while Gabby Agbonlahor is committed to Aston Villa, which counds like a Dickensian punishment to us.

We will leave you with news that former Arsenal man Alexander Hleb, who was once the Samir Nasri of his day (trust us, he was) is potentially on his way back to England, this time with either QPR or Liverpool.

The Belarussian cost Barcelona €17m in 2008 but he has played only 19 games for them in three-and-a-half years. Loans to Stuttgart, Birmingham and Wolfsburg didn’t work out either and he is about to be released from his contract by Barca.

At just 30, he is worth a gamble and even if he has lost three years of his career due to a bad move, he is still more useful for your club than a bloody new Facebook App.

And breathe...