Championship season is upon us, and just like the Champions League was taken over by trendy folks supporting Borussia Dortmund in the final, this year's GAA is one for the hipsters.
JOE's wet-behind-the-ears, up-and-coming and uber-hipster reporter Adrian Collins, under the tutelage of game-hardened and set-in-his-ways Conor Heneghan and all-round-grump Sean Nolan, walks us through how to be the quintessential GAA hipster.
Supporting Carlow U21s in the hurling
First of all, senior football and hurling are far too main stream, so we don't bother watching that stuff. Too commercial. We want to see the up and coming talent in the best jersey available, and that's Carlow's red, yellow and green effort, which will look great with our skinny chinos. Besides, they've beaten Dublin, and they're clearly destined for glory this year.
Title Magazine
Iconic (in a way) and yet still underground, you treasure your numerous issues of Title with all the most iconic pictures of the day. You also publish indie copies of this cherished yet short-lived magazine in your front room, with your great tactical insight and the odd poem about the beauty of a day spent in the stands watching junior football and leaving when the senior teams throw in.
Tactical Insight
Speaking of tactical insight, you painstakingly explain to everyone that you enjoyed the blanket defence before Tyrone started using it, and that people need to start thinking 'outside the parallelogram'. You also enjoy the role of the deep-lying centre forward or "false 11" as it were, although that's fast becoming too mainstream too. All of this should be explained using salt shakers and packets of sugar on a cafe table top for visual aids.
Hang Sandwiches
Hispters respect tradition, after all they love anything that could be considered "old skool", but they need to add a twist. For the half-time feed, we have a deconstructed ham sandwich, with Spanish iberico ham (pata negra) served on grilled sourdough bread. Roasted Mediterranean vegetables are optional, but appreciated.
Prized Possessions
As a GAA hipster, you have a few prized possessions, one of which is a 1989 Mayo jersey from the Connacht final, the other is a DVD of all of Maurice Fitzgerald's sidelines. Beautiful stuff.
You neither agree or disagree with Pat Spillane
Pat talks a lot about the various problems with the modern game, from dieticians and statisticians to the fancy boots and what not, but you neither agree nor disagree with him, because you don't watch the Sunday Game. Too mainstream.
Your idol is Willy Joe Padden
Look at the man, he has it all: a mullet, a moustache, the works. You could transport him as he was back then to today and he wouldn't look out of place. He's the Carlos Valderrama of GAA.
You have an old school nickname
Like 'The Bomber' Liston or or Ger 'Sparrow' O'Loughlin, you need a solid GAA nickname that makes you stand out from the crowd. May we suggest 'Rocky'? 'Gooch' and 'Brick are too overused.
You wear white boots and have a distinctive free kick style
Maurice Fitzgerald is your man for free kicks, we all know that, but we've copied our run up from Charlie Redmond too. That said you admire the works of Gizzy Ling and Joe Canning from the sideline too.
We also wear white boots, like 'Sparrow'. Everyone wears Adidas Mundials, but not you, only Pony will suffice.
You play Gaelic Games football on the PlayStation 2
It was a truly woeful attempt at a game from a visual and gameplay standpoint, but it brought the beauty of the game into your hands, allowing you to take on the managerial role and tinker with the team as you see fit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDAo9FCWX4g
