JOE Fives

The Oscars may have stars, frocks and shocks but the real joy of the Academy Awards is when someone makes a complete eejit of themselves. Here are our favourites.

By Dermot Keys

Sally Field’s “You like me, you really like me” speech

Sally Field won her second Oscar in 1985 and delivered a speech that made everyone cringe on her behalf. Gripping the Oscar like a possessed woman and shaking her head like Mary Robinson on ecstasy, she delivered a shrill speech that was frankly excruciating.

She gushed about how she “wanted more than anything to have your respect” before alienating the audience with the following killer line. “The first time I didn't feel it, but this time I feel it, and I can't deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!” Luckily, no-one put that theory to a vote in the immediate aftermath of her speech.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s whimpering acceptance speech

The Shakespeare in Love star picked up an Oscar in 1999 and delivered a toe-curlingly embarrassing speech. She started whimpering early on but recovered to thank everyone she'd ever known, worked with, or randomly bumped into on the street.

Then she got to her family and started to sob again. The camera actually panned to her mother, who looks decidedly uncomfortable watching her daughter suffering what appeared to be a mild psychological collapse on stage. Everyone was starting to share the concern by the time she'd thanked her grandfather for making a beautiful family and started name-checking dead relatives.

Roberto Benigni going a little over the top

The Italian director of Life is Beautiful delivered just a bit too much Latin passion when he won best Foreign Language Film. He proceeded to clamber all over the seats around him before bunny hopping up the steps like a demented Skippy the Bush Kangaroo.

It would be churlish to mock his lack of English but it's generally inadvisable to go on a rambling speech that's peppered with metaphors if you can't actually speak a language. “The hailstorm! It's a hailstorm of a...of a...of a kindness of a...of a gratitude to you...” he babbled. Course it is, Roberto. Now sit down like a good fella.

Be thankful that it's extremely difficult to find footage of the performance

Rob Lowe’s 1989 Oscar opening number

I can only presume that Rob Lowe still wakes up in a cold sweat at the thought of his performance in the opening number for the 1989 Academy Awards. Some genius thought it would be a good idea to do a bastardised version of Creedence Clearwater Revival's 'Proud Mary' with uber-camp backing dancers, an actor who couldn't sing, and eh.. Snow White.

Needless to say nobody, Mary included, emerged from this fiasco with any pride intact. Lowe's career subsequently took a nosedive but we're sure that was just an unhappy coincidence.

Frank Capra’s cock-up (or rather the presenter's) back in the 1930s

Today's stars have to contend with the fact that every little slip-up will be broadcast around the net within seconds. Filmmaker Frank Capra, however, missed out on being a YouTube hero by virtue of the fact that he made a tit of himself at the 1934 Oscars.

Presenter Will Rodgers opened the Best Picture envelope and said “Come on up and get it, Frank!” Capra was already on the stage by the time he realised that the actual winner was Frank Lloyd. Yeah, that's gotta be awkward...

In fairness, the idiot presenter shares some of the blame here. That probably wasn't much consolation for poor Frank (Capra, that is), although at least he won the Best Picture award in 1935.