The Girlfriend Manual

After incurring the wrath of my girlfriend at the weekend, it got me thinking about things that get us lads into the doghouse with our other halves.

By Declan Whooley

Granted my poor aim left both the toilet rim and surrounding floor area a little more damp than it should be, but the female anatomy ensures that they will never (or should never) have the occasional spillages we leave behind. That’s just the cross we have to bare.

We talked it over in the office and here are what we think are the top five reasons why we get into trouble with the women in our lives.

Sport comes before nearly everything

Close family weddings and funerals aside, there has to be leeway for sporting occasions. It’s not that we think your nephews christening isn’t important, but the Machester derby is of far greater significance. Even if it is your sister’s birthday, Leinster and Munster are playing in the Aviva, we can meet them afterwards.This shouldn't really have to be explained, you signed up for this willingly.

Making us choose what you wear

Lots of nodding heads in the office over this one. We don’t know a lot about men’s clothing (we are not Gok Wan and if we were this would be an entirely different 5 reasons) and we know sweet bugger all about women’s fashion. When we are asked to choose between two items of clothing you own, it does not mean there is anything ‘wrong’ with the item not chosen. It’s just not as nice. Don’t wallow in self-pity and hold it against us because we offered an opinion. If you don't like it then lessons should be learned for the next time and you, sweetheart, should avoid asking us again.

Not being attentive enough

If there is a man on this planet that has not being accused of ‘not listening’ then he is either incredibly lucky or else deaf. Talking to us during a match is an obvious no-no, but it can also depend on the topic. Telling us on what you would like to buy in Topshop and then asking a question afterwards will result in a mumbled guess of an answer.

Our short-term attentions spans are in-built, so rather than fight it, simply work with it. Brevity is the key, so keep information to a minimum. Will have better results.

Paying too much/not enough attention to your friends

This can be a no-win situation. You chat to a friend of hers who happens to be relatively attractive and you are in the bad books. It’s not our fault some girls are very easy on the eye and choose to wear low-cut tops/short skirts/clothes. Similar to the sports coverage on TV3, you don't want to look but sometimes you are left with no choice.

On the other hand, you don’t overly engage with the work colleague who bores you to tears and you are accused of not making an effort. It’s not bad manners, it’s being a good judge of character.

Being too honest

Unfortunately we are often the architects of our own downfall. Asking what good will come from ordering a Diet Coke if you are eating McDonald's should be avoided. Leaving more than a two second pause when asked any question about her clothes or new hair cut can lead to verbal fisticuffs.

One valuable piece of information I would like to share to avoid nasty confrontations is to take the Garda approach and ask questions to avoid answering her questions. The following scenario is a good example.

- Do you prefer the red top or the black top?

- Well what will you wear with the red top? (you neither care nor have a clue, but that's irelevant)

- Oh this pair of jeans. (excitement building) I can't wait to wear it. I'll go with the red top. Thanks (cue gratitude)

You have not had to even make a decision and she is happy camper. Everyone's a winner. it is not always that simple but well worth a go.

To finish this article, I'll point that issues should be resolved before they fester. This clip shows that an angry woman really does mean business.