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Movies & TV

10th Jan 2014

The Top 14: JOE brings you our fourteen most anticipated films of 2014

As Gerry Thornley would say, it's the Top Quatorze...

Eoghan Doherty

JOE brings you the Top 14 films that we’re looking forward to in the year 2014. Because bringing you 2014 films would have been way too much work…

Films are great. We all love them. Want proof? Ask anyone.

Walk up to any person and ask them have they seen a film and did they love it. 73 times out of 74 we’d say that yes, yes they have and yes, yes they do.

That’s science people.

And so, with that completely accurate scientific theory in mind, and the fact that it’s the time of year when everybody and their granny are compiling listicles, JOE brings you the 14 films that are (hopefully) going to make our tiny little heads explode with excitement upon release this year.

12 Years A Slave – 10 January

Did somebody say Oscar season?

The award-winning combination of director Steve McQueen (not that one) and his magnificent muse Michael Fassbender are back together in this harrowing 19th Century tale of the terrible trials and tribulations of free man-turned-slave, Solomon Northup, played by the incredibly impressive and Oscar-worthy Chiwetel Ejiofor.

So far this unrelenting powerhouse of a film has received universal acclaim from critic and audiences all across the world and rightly so, because it is most certainly the first must-see film of 2014 – essential viewing for any lover of top quality cinema.

Read JOE’s official review here.

The Wolf Of Wall Street – 17 January

Speaking of masters and their muses, Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio have excitedly teamed up once more for the adaptation of Jordan Belfort’s batshit crazy book about corruption, debauchery and downright madness on Wall Street in the early 90s.

Could this be the role that finally bags Leo his long overdue Oscar?

Why are you asking us? We’re not fuc*ing Mystic Meg.

RoboCop – 7 February

Being truly, madly and deeply in love with Paul Verhoeven’s 1987 cult classic, we were hoping to be completely Robophobic and hate this new 2014 reboot with every fibre of our new wooly jumper that Granny Betty got us for Christmas.

But we couldn’t.

Mainly because the trailers have been so floopin’ awesome and the film features a cast (Gary Oldman, Michael Keaton, Samuel L. Jackson) worth going to see any day of the week… except for Wednesdays.

Because JOE is barred from the cinema on Wednesdays. Don’t ask.

Her – 14 February

Is it possible to fall in love with a piece of technology? Maybe it’s better if we don’t answer that question…

Her, starring Joaquin ‘I am normal, I swear’ Phoenix, comes from one of the most special, magical places in the world – the incredible mind of the genius that is Spike Jonze.

The film, which tells the tale of Theodore Twombly (Phoenix), a man who develops a relationship with a female voice (Scarlett Johansson) produced by an intelligent computer operating system, has a soundtrack by the awesome Arcade Fire and will no doubt be further proof as to just how talented and sexy the voice of Johansson really is.

The Lego Movie – 14 February

Everything is awesome. And so are the trailers for The Lego Movie.

Directed by JOE favourites Phil Lord and Chris Miller (Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs/21 Jump street) The Lego Movie is going to be lots and lots of fun. We hope.

Featuring Batman, Superman and any number of other mans, the very funny Chris Pratt is the voice of Emmett, an ordinary Lego man mistakenly mistaken as being the last living Master Builder by mistake.

“Come with me if you wanna not die…”

Muppets Most Wanted – 28 March

Staying on the theme of films that will hopefully be buckets and buckets of sheer unadulterated fun, Muppets Most Wanted is the follow up to the excellent 2011 film, The Muppets, and this time pits everybody’s favourite furry friends against Kermit’s evil doppelgänger – the world’s number one criminal, Constantine.

Of course we can tell the difference…

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Here at JOE we’ll also be particularly looking forward to the crackin’ comedy tunes of Flight Of The Conchords’ super songster Bret McKenzie.

Godzilla – 16 May

We’ll happily admit that when the latest Godzilla film was first announced, here at JOE HQ we weren’t overly fussed. However, with the news that Monsters helmer Gareth Edwards would be calling the shots and, living in the hope that the incredibly annoying Aaron Taylor-Johnson might actually be eaten, we got very excited.

And then very scared.

Just check out the magnificent, menacing trailer below to see why…

X-Men: Days Of Future Past – 22 May

Bryan Singer, the director of arguably the two best X-Men films (so far), returns to helm the seventh installment in the mutant movie franchise  a time-travelling action adventure involving a huge cast of heroes and villains, as the stars of both the older and newer films now unite to fight a war for the survival of the species.

X-Men veterans Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen and Hugh Jackman return, as do their younger selves in the form of James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender and, ahmm, Hugh Jackman again.

Here at JOE though we’re most excited about Irishman Fassbender returning as the badass basta*d that is Magneto and, who knows, maybe his now infamous Irish accent (from the climax of X-Men: First Class) will also make a return – “Howya buddy, I’m Magneto and I’m bleeeeeeeeeeedin’ deadly.”

22 Jump Street – 6 June

21 Jump Street was undoubtedly one of the surprise packages of 2012, with Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill perfectly pairing up to deliver one of smartest and sassiest comedies of recent years.

Yeah, that’s right. We said sassiest.

The imaginatively-titled sequel, which will again be directed by the aforementioned Phil Lord and Chris Miller (see The Lego Movie above), will see Officers Schmidt (Hill) and Jenko (Tatum) go undercover at a local college with all of the first film’s funny favourites making a welcome return.

That’s right beautiful Nick Offerman. We’re looking at you.

Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes – 17 July

Another film that recently took critics and audiences by surprise (in so far as it was really, really good, as opposed to people not knowing that it was about to be released), Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes featured a great story, great effects and great performances – most notably, yet another incredible performance from Andy “you’ll believe a man can monkey” Serkis.

This 2014 sequel will be directed by Cloverfield head honcho, Matt Reeves, a man who also has Under Siege 2: Dark Territory on his CV so he’s all good in JOE’s book.

Interstellar – 7 November

It’s Christopher Nolan’s latest film. What more do you want?

Well, to be honest, we’d actually like to know more too but, as is standard practise with any Nolan production, plot details are being kept top secret for the time being.

What we do know, however, is that this (hopefully super) sci-fi will involve Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway and Jessica Chastain as a team of super-smart scientists investigating a newly-discovered, time travel-enabling wormhole… NEEEERRRDS.

We’re reluctant to say any more to be honest, *JOE looks over shoulder in a panic*, the guy knows Batman for floop sake…

Dumb And Dumber To – 14 November

It’s a well-known fact (by anyone with a working brain) that Dumb and Dumber is, quite simply, one of the greatest comedy films of all time.

And so, it’s safe to say that our pets’ heads fell off with excitement when the 2014 sequel was announced, a whopping twenty years after the original first hit the big screen.

We were so excited, in fact, that here at JOE HQ we even set up a handy comedy countdown clock to keep you right until release and so that you can while away the hours just staring and waiting. Staring and waiting. Staring and waiting.

You’re welcome.

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The Hobbit: There And Back Again – 19 December

You know it’s truly Christmas time when satsuma sales surge in the shops, your mam pre-orders 38 bottles of white wine for Aunty Eileen at the family party, and Peter Jackson releases another Middle-Earth movie.

It seems like an age since we were all first trying to come to terms with the fact that the Kiwi director had decided to divide J.R.R. Tolkien’s beloved book ‘The Hobbit’ into not just one, or two, but three gargantuan films, but now the year of release for The Hobbit: There And Back Again is finally upon us.

Following on from a ‘yeah it’s grand’ first installment (The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey) and an awesome action-packed second installment (The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smog Smug Smurf Smaug) it seems like cinema-goers have firmly got their Bilbo buzz back.

Read JOE’s official review of The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug here.

The Raid 2: Berandal (no Irish release date)

And last, but most certainly not least, is the sequel to 2011’s incredible action film The Raid: Redemption – it is The Raid: Berandal.

Directed by Welsh wonder Gareth Evans, the first film completely blew JOE’s socks off. Don’t worry though, we always wear two pairs of socks so we were absolutely fine that day.

This year’s sequel sees Iko Uwais return as kick-ass cop Rama who, this time around, is forced to go undercover to infiltrate the ranks of a ruthless Jakarta crime syndicate. All we want to know though is are there lots of fighty punchy bits and, from the first look at the amazing teaser trailer, it looks like the answer is a very resounding yes.

Well, you know the old Hollywood saying: ‘Nothing guarantees sucess like a non-English language action film about a little-known Indonesian martial art form directed by a talented Welshman.’

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