World affairs

So we’re basically their slaves now, but at least we're better than the Germans at something…

By Brian Moss

With all the talk of Germany over here these days you would be forgiven for thinking that they had invaded us or something, not that they would (don’t mention the war). A new European survey has revealed that at least the Irish are not bottom of the list at everything.  When it comes to procreation the Germans are bottom of the pile and even more satisfyingly, we’re on top.

Maybe it’s the fact that Germans are too busy working to get it on, a problem less and less of us are having to endure. It’s quite clear how we’re spending our time, but it does feel good to be beating them at something.

So now the science stuff. According to the German national statistics office, fewer babies were born in Germany last year than at any time in its history. A total of 663,000 children were born, 15,000 fewer than in 2010, and in stark contrast to 1964 when German births (east and west) peaked at just under 1.4 million.

You will be glad to hear we have the highest birth-rates in the EU with 16.876 births per thousand people per year with Germany at the very bottom with 8.221 births per thousand people per year- take that Angela!

Ze Germans are looking down the barrel of a problem, less babies means less people working which mean less money in the economy so they need to get it sorted and get down to business.

We at JOE always like to be helpful (even to Germans) so we have a suggestion. For those who find themselves out of work how about the German government foot the bill for us to head over and repopulate the father land, just like Joxer!  We can’t wait to see a nation of red heads emerge from Deutschland over the coming years.

If only we’d thought of it sooner we could have had a team of Paul McShanes facing us next month in Aviva!