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5th May 2011
02:44pm BST
With Real Madrid brushed aside by Barcelona in the Champions League semi-finals, Jose Mourinho will be conspicuous by his absence for the rest of the season. As an antidote to anyone suffering from “Jose’s sideshow entertainment” withdrawal symptoms, we present his most quotable quotes.
By William Costello
Now that the El Clasico quartet of games has come to a stuttering finish, we were a little bit disappointed in the unceremonious climax to Jose Mourinho’s season. Although he may not produce the most entertaining brand of football, there is no doubting that in terms of off field entertainment value, “The Special one” reigns supreme.
So in no particular order, ranging from omelettes through melons, all the way to big blue chairs with a detour through voyeurism, here are your Top 20 Jose Quotes.
"If I wanted to have an easy job, working with the big protection of what I have already done before, I would have stayed at Porto - beautiful blue chair, the Uefa Champions League trophy, God, and after God, me." On taking a new challenge at Chelsea
"Please don’t call me arrogant, but I’m European champion and I think I’m a special one.” Announcing his arrival in typical Jose style at Chelsea
"The way they are, tomorrow we will probably read I am to blame for the volcano. Maybe I have a friend in the volcano and I am responsible for that." Mourinho on Barcelona’s complaining about having to take a two-day coach trip to Milan due to the Icelandic volcano eruption in April 2010.
"I think he is one of these people who is a voyeur. He likes to watch other people. There are some guys who, when they are at home, have a big telescope to see what happens in other families. He speaks, speaks, speaks about Chelsea." On Arsene Wenger.
“We are on top at the moment but not because of the club’s financial power. We are in contention for a lot of trophies because of my hard work.” Jose dismisses claims that they win because of the bankroll at Chelsea.
“If Roman Abramovich helped me out in training we would be bottom of the league and if I had to work in his world of big business, we would be bankrupt!” Putting to bed any doubt that Roman Abramovich has a say in picking the team.
"It's not even a game between me and him. It's a game where a kid made some statements not showing maturity and respect. Maybe [it's his] education, difficult childhood, no education, maybe [it is] the consequence of that." Cristiano Ronaldo may now be his golden boy, the two Portuguese didn’t always see eye to eye.
"Ronaldo is a good player but he is certainly not the best. He deserved the Golden Ball award because his team won the Champions League and the Premier League. But, for me, Ibrahimovic is the best." Tarring Ronnie with an mercurial-but-lazy-Swede-shaped brush.
"The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem." On the frustration of the tightening of the transfer market purse-strings in the final months of his Chelsea stint
"It was a strange game. I think we all understand that it was no coincidence that he showed the red card to Sneijder. I have realized that they are not going to allow us to wrap this title up. But we were perfect. We would have won this game even with seven men. Maybe with six we would have struggled, but we would have won with seven." Mourinho after Wesley Sneijder had been sent off in the 2-0 derby win over AC Milan in January 2010.
"You can't win the treble every season. But I've done it twice and I think twice is quite a lot." Modesty, Jose-style.
“It is like having a blanket that is too small for the bed. You pull the blanket up to keep your chest warm and your feet stick out. I cannot buy a bigger blanket becuase the supermarket is closed. But I am content because the blanket is cashmere. It is no ordinary blanket.” During a post-transfer window Chelsea injury crisis.
“Young players are a little bit like melons. Only when you open and taste the melon are you 100 per cent sure that the melon is good. Sometimes you have beautiful melons but they don’t taste very good and some other melons are a bit ugly and when you open them, the taste is fantastic! One thing is youth football, one thing is professional football. The bridge is a difficult one to cross and they have to play with us and train with us for us to taste the melon. For example, Scott Sinclair, the way he played against Arsenal and Man United. We know the melon we have.” On, er, melons. But not that type of melons.
"Who were (Frank) Lampard, (John) Terry and (Didier) Drogba two years ago? They were certainly not world stars. And in this moment who are they?” On moulding superstars.
Ricardo Carvalho seems to have problems understanding things, maybe he should have an IQ test, or go to a mental hospital or something” After Carvalho blasted Mourinho for not picking him to play
“Why drive Aston Martin all the time, when i have Ferrari and Porsche as well? That would just be stupid” – When asked about rotating Joe Cole, Arjen Robben and Damien Duff
“Barcelona have a great club. But in 200 years of history they have won the European Cup only once. I have been managing for a few years and I have already won the same amount.” – said during the 2005-2006 season. Barcelona went on to win the Champions League.
“Barcelona is a cultural city with many great theatres and this boy [Lionel Messi] has learned very well. He’s learned play-acting.” After Asier Del Horno was sent off in Chelsea's defeat against Barcelona in February 2006.
"We were together in my office. He asked me, ‘What did you say to the press, young man?’ We laughed, we joked, we spoke, we drank and when we go to Old Trafford for the second leg on Jan 26, it is my birthday. I will bring a beautiful bottle of Portuguese wine for after the game. The wine we drank at Stamford Bridge was very bad. And he was complaining about it. He is a wonderful, great manager. I have a lot of respect for the big man. I call him ‘boss’ because he’s our [the other managers'] boss. He’s the top man, a really nice person and he deserves to be the boss. Maybe when I am 60 the kids will call me the same.” On Sir Alex Ferguson
“In five years I have never had a match where my team has had less possession than the opponents.” Obviously said prior to the 2010 Champions League semi-final second leg against Barcelona, where Inter had just 20% of the possession but still progressed to the final.
"I would rather play with 10 men than wait for a player who is late for the bus." Mourinho leaves his Real Madrid players in no doubt about who is boss.
And if all that's not enough:
