MMA

It’s a busy time in the MMA world, and we here at JOE realise that you probably have better things to do than spend hours scouring the internet for the week’s biggest stories. Fortunately for you, we don’t…so sit back, grab a tainted supplement and enjoy your weekly news roundup!

By Brad Wharton

Saturday:

Kazushi Sakuraba passed the torch on Saturday to fellow MMA eccentric Jason ‘Mayhem’ Miller, tapping out for only the second time in his pro MMA career to a first round arm-triangle. Miller also outdid the ‘I.Q. Wrestler’ in the ‘exotic entrance’ stakes to take a clean sweep on the night. Sharing the victory plaudits at DREAM 16 were Gegard Mousasi, Satoshi Ishii and Shinya Aoki.

One man who was less than happy with the afternoon’s proceedings in Japan was James Thompson, who said he felt like he’d been ‘raped’ by Japanese MMA. I’m not sure if that’s something I’d want to see or not…

Some good and bad news from Brazil: Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira won’t be fighting fit until at least next Spring according to the latest prognosis. On the plus side, ‘Shogun’ Rua feels that a February return could be on the cards, providing he can drop his recently acquired puppy fat. Who ate all the pies?

From the “I didn’t see that one coming” file, Alex Reid went the distance with Tom Watson in one of the liveliest fights we’ve seen all year. Roll on another reality TV series and the return of ‘The Reidinator’ at BAMMA 5!

Sunday:

Staying up until 6am on a Sunday morning to watch a UFC main event isn’t easy…especially when Frank Mir and Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ were performing some elaborate mime-based hypnosis dance in the evening’s final bout. Thankfully for anyone who missed it, Steve Davies was on hand with a full review of the night’s (lack of) action to save you the horror of sitting through one of the worst main events in UFC history.

Dana White, usually the first to jump to his fighter’s defence, was equally as miffed with Frank Mir’s performance in the show’s headline bout, hilariously snubbing him from the ‘KO of the Night’ bonus despite him scoring the sole knock out of the evening. He did hand out an extra pair of ‘Fight of the Night’ cheques though, which was nice.

Brad Wharton dragged himself out of bed and through his hangover for another fun-filled Sunday Supplement, this time breaking down the impact of the Alex Reid/Tom Watson fight on UKMMA. And from one inflated ego to another, The Rock gave his thoughts on a possible career in MMA. We smell what he’s cooking, and it smells like bulls**t.

Monday:

Monday kicked off with some depressing news from UFC middleweight Alan Belcher, whose eye-injury woes are far from over. I think I speak for the entire MMA community in wishing him as successful a recovery as possible.

Metaphors appeared to be the order of the day on Monday, with Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ feeling “Sorry like a dog” (we’re guessing that was lost in translation) and Dana White saying that Frank Mir had “The heart of The Grinch”.

Meanwhile, Jamie Varner insinuated that his WEC 51 opponent, Donald Cerrone, had “written a cheque his ass couldn’t cash”. If I could cash cheques with my ass, I reckon I’d have next year’s ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ in the bag.

Tuesday:

In his bid to become MMA’s version of The Bionic Man, ‘Big Nog’ revealed on Tuesday that once he’s had his injured knee taken care of, he’ll still need further surgery on his hips before he can return to the cage. Why not go the whole hog and turn him into ‘RoboNog’ while they’re at it? Although to be fair, the guy was run over by a truck in his youth, making it highly unlikely that a little thing like double hip surgery is going to stop him…

Good news for UFC fans in the UK, multi-time and weight champion Randy Couture and current 155lb champion Frankie Edgar will both be on hand for the Fan Expo in London. Bad news for Nick Diaz fans in the US, Stockton’s finest failed to show up for the Strikeforce: Diaz vs Noons press conference.

Fans of stand-up MMA can indulge themselves in this awesome preview for the K-1 Final 16, while fans of the WEC will be delighted to see Steve Davies back with his in-depth and expert analysis of Thursday’s WEC 51. Remember, if you use his picks as a betting guide, YOU OWE HIM MONEY!