Travel Features

Japan has been having a horrifically bad time of it of late, and visitor numbers are way down. So, we’ve decided to remind the world of the best thing about the Japanese – their weirdness.

By Robert Carry

1. The Jesus Robot

Praise the Lord

While we all enjoy pointing and laughing at the crazy stuff the Japanese get up to, they find aspects of our own culture somewhat odd – like our religion, for example.

You may have heard the story of the group of Western suits who travelled to Tokyo for a business trip over the Christmas holidays. The party was slightly put out by the fact that they would be away from home at such a time and their thoughtful Japanese hosts decided to throw them a Christmas party to make them feel welcome.

The Asians knew snippets of information about what was celebrated – they knew Santy was in the picture and that it was something to do with a guy being crucified. The Westerners were somewhat perturbed, however, when they were welcomed into the hall chosen for the event to find a plastic Santa nailed to a cross at the end of the room.

Strange, then, that after such sacrilege Christ our Saviour would decide to be born again, in robot form, in Japan.

Anyway, getting your hands on one of these innocently sacrilegious toys will give you magic 8-ball type abilities to tell what is going to happen in the future. The benefits this could have are hinted at on the cover – you can use this thing to pull. As if you didn’t already have that in mind when you bought it.

2. Lucky Kit-Kats

Green tea Kit-Kats? Get out of it Japan

We can forgive the Japanese for the Jesus Robot but there is just no getting over what they’ve done to the humble Kit-Kat. Not content with the simplistic delight of a chocolate-covered, triple layer of crème-filled wafer, they had to go and ruin it by introducing all manner of ruthlessly bastardised flavours. We’re talking kiwi flavour, fruit parfait and, may God have mercy on them, strawberry flavoured Kit-Kat balls.

They do, however, have an excuse for their obsession with the 11 o’clock favourite. Apparently, the name Kit Kat appeals to the Japanese because it is very similar to the Japanese phrase kitto katsu, which roughly translates as “You will surely win!”

As a result, parents of students busy cramming for exams shower their children with five fingers of chocolate goodness in the hope that some of the treat’s super extra happy bonus luck will rub off them.

Nestle, as it tends to do be, was quick to capitalise and even included the phrase ‘Made to give you the power to succeed’ on the packaging of some of its varieties.

3. Schoolgirl underwear vending machines

Not actually cigarettes

We just couldn’t talk about Japan's weird stuff without mentioning the notorious used schoolgirl underwear vending machines.

The Land of the Risen Sun has long been known for its somewhat alarming fixation with schoolgirls and an aspect of this, it seems, is a rampant trade in schoolgirl underwear. But rather than having to nick them off a washing line like a normal pervert, the blokes who are into this messing are afforded the luxury of being able to get their hands on a pair via vending machines like the one above, which was converted from an old cigarette machine.

Prices range from 1,000 Yen (€8.60) to 3,000 Yen (€25.80) for pre-worn examples. Although it’s probably some 60-year-old with a brass neck and an entrepreneurial spirit who has been wearing them anyway.

4. Penis festival

Is that a giant penis shrine in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Komaki, just north of the city of Nagoya, plays host to a very special annual event. The town is home to the Tagata shrine, which becomes the centre of attention on 15 March each year when the Tagata Jinjana Festival (Penis Festival) spurts into life.

The event has its roots in the days when people worshiped the sun, thunder, penises and anything else with the power to do something they couldn’t readily explain, and it is now some 1,500 years old.

Visitors to the modern festival can buy a range of phallic-shaped ash trays, ornaments, key rings and foodstuffs whilst preparing for the highlight – the moment when everyone gets pissed on sake and crowds onto the street to watch a two-and-a-half meter wooden knob being carried from one of the town’s shrines to the other. That's entertainment baby.

5. Noodle eater’s head band

The Asian Bill and Ben was a tad dull

The Japanese are revered the world over for the stunning technological advancements they’ve been responsible for over recent decades. However, one invention which they never got anywhere near enough credit for is the noodle eater’s head band.

Creating a good invention is all about coming up with something people never realised they needed - a category this bizarre item falls directly into. No more will Japanese people have to worry about splash-back ruining their shirt, tie, blouse or hair whilst tucking into a bowl of ramen thanks to this piece of crap that nobody will ever buy.

Still want more? Click here to read JOE's 10 reasons to visit Tokyo.