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13th February 2012
02:16pm GMT
A dating site reserved for only the most beautiful people has revealed that it rejects 90 per cent of all Irish applicants. Gulp.
Well this is fairly depressing news…
Tell us about it. Only a week ago we were pleased as punch to hear that the Irish accent was voted the second-sexiest in the world but it turns out that with the lights turned on, the world actually sees us only as a bunch of troll-faced cretins.
How can we be the Europe’s ugliest? Didn’t Karl Lagerfeld describe Russian men as “very ugly” only last week, even adding: “If I was a woman in Russia I would be a lesbian"?
Hey, don’t shoot the messenger here. The notion that Irish men are the continent’s uggos has come from online dating site/eugenics programme BeautifulPeople.com.
Never heard of it.
Be careful, that might reveal more about your appearance than you’d care to admit. Apparently more than a million people worldwide are signed up to the site and while it promises to find men a perfect match, BeautifulPeople.com will only accept you if the people already on the site vote you worthy of joining the ranks of those already there.
Curiously, it appears as though freckles, red hair and farmers’ tans are turn offs to the majority of our European counterparts.
So tell me, just how many of us are getting rejected from the site?
90 bloody per cent. Let’s not forget that the applicants to the site are likely to be those who actually see themselves as attractive before sending off to their applicant photo, so it seems as though our most swoonsome or delusional aren’t even up to scratch.
If you’re reading this and live in the Republic, however, we have some slightly comforting news – we’re not the ugliest in the world, we’re second ugliest.
Oooh, who’s first?
Northern Ireland. So eh, yeah, basically the entire island is ugly as sin.
What about Colin Farrell? Pierce Brosnan? Hell, even the Tayto mascot is a pretty snappy dresser...
Isn't he just? Look, it’s an outrage and the rest of us beefcakes in JOE office can’t understand it either. Perhaps Mikey Graham is applying over and over to further bring down our ranking but otherwise, it’s unexplainable.
Has the site said anything publicly on the results?
They have indeed. The site’s Greg Hodge – who only got on it by default, we’d wager – explains it thusly:
“If you think of the likes of Pierce Brosnan and Colin Farrell, it’s clear there are some very handsome Irish guys out there. But just 4,500 of the 50,000 who’ve applied have got on the site.
“That’s mainly because they’ve been letting themselves down in the profile pictures they upload. Often it’s a photo of them inside a pub holding a pint. A Brazilian man will make sure he looks tanned and toned and probably has a beach as a backdrop.
So Photoshop is the way to go then?
Oh absolutely, yes.
What about the Irish lasses, how did they fare?
Well before any Irish ladies even think of chain-emailing this article around as a way to mocking us tender menfolk, we should point out that they didn’t fare much better – just 19 per cent were deemed worthy of approval, compared to the razor-sharp cheekbones of the glorious ice maidens of Norway, who topped the continent with a formidable 76 per cent.
Hold on a second – why would the supposed best looking people in the world even need to use an online dating site?
Hey… good point. And anyway, as our office shrine to the curious pulling power of Brian McFadden reminds us, if he can get Vogue Williams and Delta Goodrem, there’s hope for anyone.
