If you’re a member of one of Ben Dunne’s gyms, we have some bad news for you. It’s regarding your balls. Yes, your balls. Unfortunately they are doomed to remain wet after you have stepped out of the shower, unless, y’know, you dry them with a towel.
The Irish Independent reports that an angry Mr Dunne has decided to remove all the hair dryers from the male changing rooms in his chain of gyms. Why? Well apparently it’s to stop the ball-drying epidemic that is currently going on. Seriously.
Yes, men have been using the hair dryers to direct a breeze at their neither regions so they remain dry and fluffy. What geniuses. But wait, it gets better…
After using the hair dryers on their dangly bits, the men are then placing them back on the wall, so other unsuspecting gym users can dry their hair (as in, the hair on their head) with them. Nice.
How did this sordid practice come to light? Well, according to Dunne, he personally witnessed men assuming the optimum ball-drying position and letting the hair dryer rip. Eh…is anyone going to ask why he was skulking around the male changing rooms in the first place? Anyone? No? Okay then…
“When you see people using a hairdryer on other parts of their bodies and then putting it back, there is no way you can allow that to go on in any business. I will not allow that to go on in my business,” said Mr Dunne.
When he was asked if this was just a sneaky way to implement some price cuts in an attempt to save on his electricity bill, Dunne claimed that if he was only trying to save electricity, he would take out the plugs so people couldn’t use any kind of electrical device in the changing rooms.
Mr Dunne said that any members who were unhappy with his decision will be entitled to a refund of their member ship fee. Which, on the plus side, means that you may not have abs of steel, but at least you’ll have enough money to buy a hair dryer of your own. Sorted.
Not only is Ben Dunne angry about the practice of drying one’s balls with a hair dryer, he’s also fairly angered over the fact that the Angelus could be replaced by a “moment of reflection” on RTE.
Speaking yesterday, Mr Dunne said that he would never “let down” his saviour Jesus Christ and vowed that he would fight to keep the Angelus on RTE.
“The Lord saved me from getting in a lot of trouble and the politicians, if they – for one moment – think that they can get away with taking Jesus Christ out of our lives, they are sadly mistaken,” he said.
We wonder if Jesus has any opinions regarding the ball-drying fiasco…
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
