Why does playing in France frighten the life out of the Irish rugby team?

Ireland go into tomorrow night’s Six Nations clash against France trying to win against the hosts on French soil for only the second time in 40 years. Why do we find it so damn tough to get a result?

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Second time in 40 years, you must be kidding me?

Oh, I wish. You probably don’t need much reminding of our magnificent win in Paris in 2000, when Brian O’Driscoll announced himself to the world with a mesmerising hat-trick and started a trend of celebrating scores with an unexplained symbolic gesture that has been copied by the likes of Gareth Bale since.

Prior to that, our last win against Les Bleus came way back in 1972 in the Stade Olympique Yves-du-Manoir in Montpellier when we ground out a 14-10 victory. On the Irish team that day were the likes of Mike Gibson, Fergus Slattery, Willie-John McBride and Denis Hickie (no not that one).

Have we even come close since?

Well, yes, but for the most part the answer would be a resounding no. In Ireland’s first clash with France after the 1972 victory, we lost by three points and then in both 1978 and 1980, Ireland came away with single-point defeats.

Since then though, it’s been one-way traffic I’m afraid. We went within five points in 2008, but lost by 23 on our last visit in 2010. After beating France twice in succession in 2000 and 2001, France spanked us by 39 points in 2002, a little worse than the 35-point hammering of 1996.

Gay Paris might be beautiful and a great place to visit, but it’s been the scene of some Irish sporting atrocities. Hand of Henry in 2009 ring a bell at all?

Watch your mouth. But why is it always France? We haven’t had as much bother anywhere else.

Hard to put a finger on it really. The 80s and 90s can be explained by the fairly lean years Ireland endured before the professional era, but since then Ireland have been really competitive and the provinces have been tearing it up in the Heineken Cup, so there should be no inferiority complex.

The thing is, Ireland don’t do great against France at home either. They memorably spoiled the party in the first rugby international ever staged at Croke Park and in the first Six Nations game at the Aviva Stadium. We beat them three times at home in the last decade (2001, 2003, 2009), but they were our first wins on home soil since 1983.

It might sound a bit simplistic, but if Ireland have a bogey team, it’s certainly the men in blue. That, or we get distracted by the magnificent 'La Marseillaise' before the match.

So what are our chances of causing an upset this weekend?

Slim enough to be frank. Under a new and far more stable coach, Philippe Saint-André, France had it fairly easy against Italy last weekend, whereas Ireland were flat and uninspiring against Wales.

We’re without our talisman and the only Irish player in the current set-up who’s actually won a game for Ireland in Paris and the bookies, who are rarely too far off the mark, have the French as 1/4 favourites.

A very bleak and unpatriotic outlook I know, but there's no point beating around the bush.

God, can you give me anything to cling onto at all?

Well, the temperatures are set to be well below freezing tomorrow night and we’re probably a little bit more used to the harsh conditions than the French are.

As Sean O’Brien defiantly said this week: “I haven’t played rugby in -7 degrees, but I’ve farmed in -15.” If that doesn’t get you riled up, I don’t know what will.