Here's why these 12 dull objects are still far more interesting than Kim Kardashian
I've reached my breaking point
After a recent editorial about 'She Who Will Not Be Named', quite a lot of JOE readers shared their fury about other "celebrities" that get far too much attention from the media for doing the grand sum of f**k all.
Kim Kardashian and her ilk (she's related to those Jenners, right?) was a name that frequently popped up and truth be told, I've never been more on the same wavelength with all of you nice people.
In my opinion, she's the embodiment of the vanity, narcissism and heinous culture that grants instant "celebrity" status on any person that shows up to the opening of a nightclub...or a bag of crisps.
I'll try to logically articulate my thoughts as to why people need to stop writing about her because there are FAR more interesting things to cover in the world...like these objects...
1. Some stones
Deserves attention because: Unlike Kim, they didn't once claim that the loathsome Paris Hilton is their best friend.
2. This retro typewriter
Deserves attention because: It was actually used for its original purpose, to create literature. Kim's self-indulgent, narcissistic and universally panned selfie book, fittingly titled 'Selfish,' might want to consider that for the sequel.
Please don't let there be a sequel.
3. An old VHS copy of Saved by the Bell: Hawaiian Style
Deserves attention because: In this episode, AC Slater didn't make a sex tape with Lisa Turtle and use the attention to cynically boost his budding wrestling career with the Bayside Tigers. At least I think he didn't.
4. Your average paperclip
Deserves attention because: It isn't Kim Kardashian.
5. This random poster of the cult cartoon Bravestarr
Deserves attention because: Despite being made for kids, it still holds up as a decent piece of TV unlike that awful materialistic shite that's called 'Keeping Up With the Kardashians.'
I forced myself to watch five minutes of it and I wanted to gouge my eyes out.
6. This turtle driving with a can of beer on the dashboard
Deserves attention because: It hasn't been accused of cynically marrying someone for the sole purposes of boosting their own career and image.
Even if the turtle did, I'm pretty sure that it wouldn't inflict a nauseating and infuriating reality TV show onto the world in a bid to document the whole pre-wedding affair.
I'm also convinced that the turtle wouldn't ultimately break-up with their new spouse after just 72 days and incite accusations of a 'sham wedding.'
Also, it's a turtle with beer. That's always going to be FAR more interesting.
Deserves attention because: It helps to mend, fix and repair things unlike Kim who tried to break the Internet (whatever the bejesus that means?) with these photos.
8. This slice of ham
Deserves attention because: This delicious piece of ham hasn't inspired Jon Hamm to label it as a 'fu*king idiot'*, like the Mad Men actor said when talking about Kim Kardashian. Daniel Craig said the exact same thing also.
9. Glade Air Freshener
Deserves attention because: It didn't have a vagina smell-off on live TV with a member of its own family. Yep, air fresheners have family also but they don't do ridiculous crap like this.
10. A wooden spoon
Deserves attention because: It wouldn't indulge or encourage Kanye West's rampant ego and vanity. It probably would just smack him across the arse.
11. A photo of the cast from classic TV show Different Strokes
Deserves attention because: Willis and co were never referred to as 'America's First Family' unlike Kim and co. I'm pretty sure that the Obamas have that title already. What you talkin' about?
12. A pair of jocks
Deserve attention because: They don't clog your Twitter and Facebook timeline with an endless amount of nonsense stories that make you want to harm the person that's next to you.
FYI, I'm also very aware that this post is feeding the multi-headed and never dying serpent that is 'Kardashian PR' and to this I say.