One of them will make for perfect Valentine's Day viewing.
We love bad movies.
Actually, let us rephrase that. We love so-bad-they're-good movies.
Boringly bad movies can get in the bin, but there is a certain kind of bad movie that curves beyond the horizon of low quality, loop around the circumference of the taste, and smack you in the back of the head with their own brand of entertaining.
Batman & Robin to Showgirls, Mac & Me to The Happening, these movies have the hardiest of defenders because despite everything - from bad acting, bad directing, bad scripts, bad everything - they bring more fun and joy to viewers than many definitely "good" movies.
And already in 2022, we've had two of these movies, the first of which is Moonfall.
Another end-of-the-world disaster movie from director Roland Emmerich who likes nothing more than to end the world on a regular basis (Independence Day, 2012, The Day After Tomorrow), it stars Patrick Wilson, Halle Berry and John Bradley as the only three people who might be able to stop - yep, you guessed it! - the moon from falling!
With a budget of over $140 million, it is one of the most expensive independent movies ever made, but it crashed-and-burned during its opening weekend, making just $9.9 million in the US. In comparison, Independence Day made $50.2 million in its opening weekend back in 1996.
Critics also weren't kind, scoring it 39% on Rotten Tomatoes, which is entirely understandable because it is never fully clear how "in" on the joke Emmerich actually is. As a co-writer as well as director, you suspect he's almost gone full Verhoeven and created a self-aware entry into the genre he helped to perfect.
Characters regularly spout some of the most cliched dialogue imaginable with full soap opera passion - "Are you going to leave the future of the planet in the hands of your ex wife?!" / "She's never let me down before!" - while some of the set-pieces are more likely to inspire giggles than thrills.
It is, in short, a hugely entertaining mess of a film, and inarguably a more fun watch than some straight-faced disaster movies.
And then we've got Marry Me, a movie which gives the entire plot away in its ridiculously long trailer...
Clips via Lionsgate and Universal
Romantic comedies generally need to graded on a curve unique to them, because they often feel like they exist in a world that is more sci-fi than most sci-fi movies, and that is absolutely the case here too.
Jennifer Lopez plays a world-famous singer and actress who is about to get married to the love of her life (Maluma) live on stage in front of millions of people, when seconds before the ceremony is due to begin, she discovers he has been unfaithful. So in a moment of risk-taking, she spots a fan in the crowd (Owen Wilson) and decides to marry him instead, much to the shock of her manager (John Bradley, representing an odd connection between this and Moonfall).
Under normal circumstances, you need to trigger a certain part of your brain in order to fully embrace a rom-com movie, but that needs to be put into overdrive for this movie, as the plot is essentially Notting Hill on steroids.
You will be able to predict Every. Single. Plot. Point. within the first few minutes of the film (if the trailer hadn't already given them all away), but that barely matters in the world of rom-coms, because they all kind of stick rigidly to the same formula anyways.
What does matter is that J-Lo is practically trying to single-handedly save the rom-com genre from just being entirely consumed by streaming services - take a second to think of the last time you saw a big(ish) budget romantic comedy in a cinema - and for that, she should be commended.
But maybe next time, try to keep at least some of the story for the audience who wants to show up for the movie!
Moonfall is in cinemas right now, Marry Me is in cinemas from Friday, 11 February.
