The Word in Westeros – JOE’s review of last knight’s Game of Thrones episode ‘Hardhome’

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As ever, SPOILER ALERT! Here are some of our favourite moments from this week's spectacular episode, 'Hardhome'.

Master of Quotes - Best Line

It really was a truly remarkable show last night and I probably seem colder than a White Walker's heart for choosing just one line. Jon Snow finally got the episode his character deserved; I always felt his heroics during the 'Watchers on The Wall' episode last season were overshadowed by Sam, but the chilling final 30 minutes was Kit Harrington's best work to date. He must be thrilled. The scene when he had to convince the Wildling leaders in the tent was perfectly executed but Jon's final line stole the moment: "The Long Night is coming, and the dead come with it. No clan can stop them, the Free Folk can't stop, the Night's Watch can't stop them, and all the southern kings can't stop them. Only together, all of us. And even then it might not be enough, but at least we'll give the fu**ers a fight". He almost sounded as gruff as his old man, Sean Bean. This week's winner, however, came from the exchange between the "two terrible children of two terrible fathers" as Dany finally reveals her raison d'etre. Daenerys to Tyrion: "I'm not going to stop the wheel, Im going to break it"

The North Remembers - Best Scene

To be honest, only Arya's arc this week seemed weak - her attempt at murdering a gambling merchant sailor is incredibly faithful to the books - but it still slowed the pace of the show down. A girl does not have to apologise though. Despite being married to the biggest bastard in Westeros (pun fully intended) Sansa is growing ever more steely, assured and strong in her own will, as witnessed in the incredible scene where she confronts Reek about the fate of her brothers Brann and Rickon. Theon's confession, due to Sansa's persistence, was definitely the most emotionally-charged moment of the show and it would easily take this crown on any other week. But this wasn't just any other week. The siege on Hardhome was one of the most incredible battles that I've ever seen - in movies or in TV - because it felt like it incorporated the best elements of Saving Private Ryan, 28 Days Later, World War Z and the old school classic Jason and the Argonauts. Like Helm's Deep, Zulu or Blackwater Bay, it was the small details of this battle/massacre that made it special. The female wildling elder was a memorable and sympathetic character that added some much needed pathos, the chilling snowstorm was an ominous sign of the horror to come, while that shot of the wooden gate slowly creaking as the hoards pushed against it was class. All of this paled in significance to the carnage that was to follow and we were privy to some of the best choreography and cinematography in any fight sequence in a long time. The best single shot of the episode? The haunting image of four White Walker generals standing on top of the hill, refraining from becoming involved because they wanted to eye up the strengths and weaknesses of the Lord Commander. Wonderful.

Valar Morghulis - Best Death

I did love Tormund's no fecks given idea of what 'negotiation' means when he met the wildling Lord of Bones on the shore front. Only Game of Thrones can make you laugh after seeing someone beaten to death with a club. Cersei was bullied in her cell and Arya can smell another kill on the horizon but this episode belongs to the best 30 minutes of TV that you're likely to see this year. Winter is here and so are some seriously spooky undead children who have a taste for flesh. Kids these days, eh? Sub-category: Death count. Let's just say that the White Walkers are even more terrifying now because their army has grown by the hundreds. 

GoT X-Rated

The White Walkers care little for fashion as most of them were walking around naked, that must be why they're so cold.

Mother of Dragons - Best Beast Scene

Three weeks without any dragons? Ah heyor! That being said, we were treated to the image of a giant laying the smackdown on a bunch of White Walkers so we'll take that. Those dragons better pull their claw out though.

Sticks and Stones and Swords - Best Insult

Yet again, it has to be Jon's attempt to convince the Wildling's to make peace and hide behind The Wall. "And even then it might not be enough, but at least we'll give the fuckers a fight". We're all in favour of Jon cursing more.

You Know Nothing - The WTF Moment

This and only this.

Stealing The Throne - This Week's Best Character

Jon Snow by a distance of 700 vertical miles of ice. I'll be honest, Jon has always been my favourite character since I read 'A Song of Fire and Ice' but his decency, courage and leadership has never been properly adapted from page to screen until now. He always seemed more stroppy teen than heroic leader of men. This has changed, and how. His delivery of the line, “I’m not asking you to forget your dead; I’ll never forget mine,” showed that even behind enemy lines he wouldn't be bullied. He then proceeded to lead the attack on the walkers, attempt to retrieve some valuable dragonglass weapons and kick six shades of shivering shite out of the White Walkers... that is if they actually shite at all. Here's the exact moment when a lieutenant of the undead discovers that you have a Valyrian steel sword.

From Wicklow to Westeros - Where did Aiden Gillen's Irish accent land?

Poor Littlefinger. He probably needed a break in the Garden County to go away, recharge the batteries and actually remind himself of just how many schemes and secrets he has on the go right now. It's five by our count.