What happens when Westeros meets the World Cup?
All the talk in JOE Towers recently was about one television event that was broadcast on Monday night… Iran v Nigeria. Naaa! Even our postman was talking about the epic conclusion to Series 4 of Game of Thrones.
JOE has decided to have a little fun and wonder what if the characters were countries. Who would they be and why?
WARNING: MAY BE SPOILERS
Tyrion Lannister is… Argentina.
Why? It’s all about Messi. A small, diminutive genius who constantly outwits his frequently larger opponents. Tyrion’s turn of phrase is just as mesmerising as Messi’s turn of pace.
Tywin Lannister is… Italy
Why? He’s the experienced elder statesmen who is respected by all around him with his “been there and done that” aura. Much like Italy, he is skilled in the dark arts of politics and knows how to win ugly. He is also similar to Andrea Pirlo because he likes to pull the political strings of the reigning King whilst drinking wine.
Danaerys Targareyn is… the Netherlands
Why? The Khaleesi’s army of unsullied soldiers provides her with a solid defence which allows her three dragons to incinerate any potential opponent, just like Robben, Sneijder and Van Persie did to Spain.
Hodor is… Switzerland
Why? Stubborn, hard to beat, but unspectacular. He remains neutral in all conversations so you can never really know what he is thinking. Monday night’s finale showed that he can also land a killer blow when it’s required, just like the Swiss did against Ecuador.
Oberyn Martell is… Chile
Why? The flamboyant prince enjoys living life on the edge and his devil-may-care, all or nothing, live fast but die young attitude was perfectly reflected in Chile’s opening win against Australia. Who needs to keep your defences up when you can attack, attack, attack.
Joffrey Baratheon is… Portugal
Why? Cristiano Ronaldo is a man that we all love to hate despite his undoubted talent. Ronaldo is arguably the most powerful and well known player in the realm, but he is also arrogant, brash and has an ego the size of King’s Landing.
Another factor in this decision was seeing Pepe’s red card on Monday. Once again it showed that he can be tempestuous, hot-headed and make poor decisions in the heat of the moment… just like Joffrey.
Ned Stark is… England
Why? He’s honourable, courageous and loyal. However, he has a tendency to be outwitted by more clever opponents, just look at the second half of England v Italy. He can also lose his head when under pressure and ultimately, he pays the penalty.
Stannis Baratheon is… Germany
Why? He is desperately trying to reclaim a throne which he feels is rightfully his after years in exile (Germany are three time World Cup winners after all). He also has the financial power from the Iron Bank which may be a crucial factor in his attempt to conquer Westeros. Sound familiar?
Jon Snow is… France
Why? He is desperately trying to restore his reputation on the wall after going AWOL for a few weeks with the wildlings. He also ignored his Night’s Watch duties, just like France did in 2010. We imagine most Irish people would call Thierry Henry a bastard as well.
Arya Stark is… Belgium
Why? Arguably the most popular Game of Thrones character due to her mix of youth, hunger and determination, but she still has a lot to learn and she hasn’t been properly tested yet against more senior opponents.
Petyr Baelish is… Spain
Why? On the outside, Littlefinger is cultured, slick and effortlessly charming, but he also possesses a ruthless streak when needed. His position is in jeopardy and, just like Spain in this World Cup, you don’t know if he is going to be good or fall away from the top of the political table.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
