Predicting the personalities of the Winter Love Island contestants based on their bios
It's back. It is so very back.
Love Island has always been a popular TV show, but last summer felt different. Recency bias aside, it did feel like it took the mainstream by storm in 2019 more than any other year to date.
Every conversation you (or at least I) had at work was about whether Michael was a dickhead, or whether Tommy should go for Molly-Mae or Maura, who like eventual winner Greg O'Shea, ensured Irish interest in what was going on in the villa.
Leave your snobbery at the door, it was pure popcorn television and I loved it.
And it's back.
The first ever series of Winter Love Island is kicking off tonight, and our expectations are high. Get ready for drama, romance and a load of very good looking people crying because someone they just met doesn't fancy them.
With the first wave of contestants announced, we're going to predict what each character is going to be like based on their bio and pictures alone.
First up is Ollie - heir to the Lanhydrock estate. Yep. That's who we're dealing with.
One of the first things we heard this man say is: "The family title is Viscount Clifden. When my father passes away or abdicates, as the eldest child, I will take on the titles and the estate. I’m the heir of Lanhydrock."
That should tell you absolutely everything you need to know about Ollie.
As well as that, he reckons he's going to be the "alpha dog" of the villa, and that he would prefer a girl with a "grouse moor", which is apparently a bit of land that, to him, is "a big deal".
One thing stands out about Siânnise, and that is that her surname is Fudge. We can only imagine the jokes that are going to be made over the coming weeks and how quickly they are going to get old.
But what's mad about Siânnise is that she "absolutely doesn't like fudge". Can you believe it? What are the chances?!
She is a beauty consultant who is "happy to get a pizza and watch a Disney film", which is very hard to complain about.
We reckon Siânnise is going to be one of the sounder contestants in the villa, but we don't see her going all the way.
Sophie is the sister of Rochelle from The Saturdays. Let's get that out of the way early.
As a result, she has a bit of fame going into the villa. 95,000 followers on Instagram to be exact (when the lineup was announced). Safe enough to say she'll have topped the 100k by the end of the series or, more likely, by the time you're reading this.
Our guess is that she's going to be the centre of attention for this series. Sort of like Amber in the last one, we're going to be seeing A LOT of Sophie.
"Being friends with someone and not going after their man, I would never do anything to my close friends," she says.
We'll see about that.
We don't mean to sound rude, but Callum isn't lasting in the villa.
He seems nice. A bit of fun, probably a nice lad, but this is Love Island we're talking about here Callum.
He says that he can cook, clean and do the washing, but we just don't think that's going to be enough. WE NEED MORE. Sorry Cal... we can call you 'Cal', right?
We just don't see him getting that much screentime. Kind of like that time Rob Lipsett went on and vanished in the space of around 30 seconds.
Eve and Jess
TWINS. There's twins in the villa. This is huge.
We can't believe it's taken this long to get a set of twins in the villa, but we are expecting this to be a fairly major aspect of this year's show.
Will Eve and Jess go for the same guy? Will a guy have to choose between them? Will someone mix them up at a crucial time right before we go to an ad break?
The answer to all three of these questions is, of course, yes. Obviously. And if any shit does kick off, there is TWO of them. We wouldn't be messing with them.
There's no way that Eve and Jess won't be a key part of this season, so get used to them.
Mike is a policeman from London, who says that he is fond of using "lines about getting handcuffs out" when trying to chat ladies up. He also said that it usually works.
Good for him.
Despite the handcuffs line, Mike seems like a good guy. He also said that he has a bit of a "wandering eye", which to us sounds like he's going to do something dramatic in the villa.
And quite frankly, we're here for it. Go on Mike. Stir some shit.
Leanne is a 22-year-old Londoner who is looking for someone who is not sensitive at all.
She says that if you are sensitive, she will offend you STRAIGHT AWAY, as she is a "savage".
Go off, Leanne, as the kids would say.
Leanne is going to be responsible for some of the most dramatic moments on this season of the show, we're calling it now.
Connor is a coffee beans salesman who is in extremely good shape. And he has a lovely set of teeth.
We see him going far. He's going to be sought after, even though it does look like he has a tattoo of Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas on his arm.
Connor is going to be one to watch out for this season. Good lad, stand out from the crowd with those extremely white teeth and that Fergie tattoo.
Shaughna is a self-proclaimed politics nerd, which is undeniably going to make her a valuable addition to the villa.
Let's not forget that time the contestants tried to have a discussion about Brexit, and it resulted in one of the most bizarre 45 seconds of television we've ever seen.
Shaughna will hopefully be the voice of reason this season, using the skills she has learned as a democratic services officer to defuse any toxic situations.
The first Love Island contestant to end up being an MP? Given the state of politics at the minute, that is a genuine possibility.
And her name sounds kind of Irish, so we're #TeamShaughna for now.
Paige is Lewis Capaldi's ex-girlfriend. You know, Lewis Capaldi, who has written some of the most heartbreaking love songs in recent memory?
We're not saying Paige had such an impact on Lewis' life that he then wrote 'Someone You Loved' about her, but ... that's exactly what we're saying.
We expect whatever guy who falls for Paige to fall hard. And then potentially release a very strong album in the months after the show ends.
We're gonna come right out and say it. Nas reminds us of Michael from last summer.
That smile. That damned smile. And the energetic personality.
The sports scientist has said that he is "very different to guys who have been on the show before", but we're not buying it.
Nas is going to cause trouble in that villa. We can tell. We're on to you, Nas.
Winter Love Island kicks off tonight at 9pm on Virgin Media Two.