We’ve been there and seen them all…
Festival season is in full swing in Ireland with plenty out the way already, but a more than enough to keep us going for the rest of the summer.
So what are the hallmarks of a festival in Ireland? You’d be forgiven for guessing rain, but Longitude 2017 had some glorious weather over its weekend.
It’s probably not the expensive pints, the uncomfortable tents, the messy sex, the losing of all your friends or the dodgy food in some questionable food establishments. These are hallmarks of every festival the world over, not just in Ireland.
But what are some other things that you’ll definitely spot at a festival in Ireland? Well, if you were at Longitude this weekend, you’ll definitely have spotted some of these types on the prowl.
The guy holding an inflatable dick
He’s hilarious and he knows it. Everyone laughs as he brandishes the giant phallus in the air like King Arthur drawing Excalibur from the stone. Will make the “It’s to scale,” joke at some stage.
Wasn't expecting to see a inflatable penis when I turned around😂 pic.twitter.com/vbfxpFQHyW
— ZANDER 🙂 (@Zanderbruh69) July 3, 2017
The group of lads shouting “You’ll do fooking nuttin'” or “Fuck the Mayweathers”
This is a new trend brought about by the cultural phenomenon of Conor McGregor. This group will also do the billionaire strut and more than likely will be wearing a flowery shirt with the buttons undone.
The crier
Festivals are emotional events. Sometimes it all becomes too much and it all comes pouring out. Usually alcohol fuelled and/or over a member of the opposite sex.
The young fella who looks about 12
Where’s your parents? Do they know you’re up this late? In reality, he is 18 but puberty has not been his friend so far. Laugh all you want, when he’s 40 he’ll still look 25 and you’ll look like a turkey’s neck. You old bastard.
The guy with his top off
Put it back on, you dose. FFS.
The very drunk interpretive dancer
He is fabulous and he doesn’t care who knows. He lets something deep within himself go and the true superstar come out.
Video via Best Movie Quote
The couple who shift the whole way through the main act
They’ve paid into the festival, it’s a Sunday night and the main act is on. But they don’t have a clue because they’re busying licking the back of each others throats for the entire set. Thats how you kiss, right?
NOTE: If you’re one of the people who does this, you should know that people are laughing at you and cringing woefully.
Shoulders girl
Just because she’s vertically challenged, doesn’t mean she’s going to have an obscured view of the stage.
Her boyfriend will bear the weight of her for hours on end, but if she’s single, she will find a friend/good samaritan to help her out.
People think this is a macho exercise for the man who gets to show off how strong and buff he is, when in reality, it’s uncomfortable because you know you’re blocking people behind you and you can’t dance.
The guy who forgot suncream/wellies
These people are the same. When it’s hot they’ve no sun cream and when it’s wet, they’ll be the only ones without wellies.
Will probably remind you of the bad luck Brian meme…
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
