We’ve come a long way from Stan…
Eminem’s career has gone a similar way to The Simpsons. Hear us out.
Both started out as something completely original and unique. Game-changers. Fresh. Took the world by storm, and left both respective industries changed for the better.
But now, they’ve both grown fairly stale. Even those who were die-hard fans back in the day know that the product just ain’t the same.
Unlike The Simpsons though, Eminem does still have the occasional moment of brilliance these days. His Kamakaze album was actually quite good, as was The Marshall Mathers LP 2. Most recently, his diss track towards MGK was also excellent.
But while the occasional is good, the majority is bad. And with that…
Here are the worst Eminem lyrics of the past 10 years.
“Now I get to watch her leave out the window, guess that’s why they call it windowpane/window pain” – Love The Way You Lie
Sigh. You could make the case that this is all where it started going to shite. Where the decline began. A good song, and a great video starring Dominic Monaghan and Megan Fox, but a terrible line. The windowpane/window pain wordplay just isn’t good.
“I’m lookin’ at your tight rear like a sightseer. Your booty is heavy duty (doody) like diarrhea” – Remind Me
God. This is bad. An actual poo joke. That’s what that is. First of all – tight rear? Nope. And then heavy doody like diarrhea. No way. This shouldn’t have happened.
“I’m swimmin’ in that Egyptian river, ’cause I’m in denial (The Nile)” – Need Me
Fuck this. It’s like a primary school joke. A bad one too. Damn you Eminem.
“So I sneak vengefully and treat your bedroom window / Like I reach my full potential, I peeked (peaked) – Bad Guy
What the hell is with this guy and windows? This is bordering on a fetish. How exactly does one treat a bedroom window as though they’ve reached their full potential. Gibberish.
“Cause if you diss me I’m coming after you like the letter V” – Premonition
Get it? Cos the letter V comes after the letter U. GET IT?
“My fillet is smokin’ weed, get back if the stakes are high” – Cinderella Man
Okay. There’s a lot to unpack here. I think he’s saying that he has smoked so much weed that even his food is high? This really doesn’t make any sense.
“They said I rap like a robot, so call me Rap-bot” – Rap God
What the HELL? Again, Rap God is a damn good song, and he raps for about six minutes, so there’s bound to be some filler in there. But this is just taking the piss. Couldn’t think of a better name for a rapping robot than Rap-bot, no?
“Can’t even find the page, I was writing this rhyme on. Oh, it’s on the rampage” – Rhyme or Reason
Ah yes, the rampage. I see.
“Maybe that’s why I’m always so bananas, I appeal (peel) to all those walks of life” – Rhyme or Reason, again
We get that he was in his 40s when he wrote this song, but come on. You’re Eminem. You’re supposed to be clever and cool. Not just the musical version of dad jokes.
“Leaning on the horn, screaming ‘fuck the police!’ like cop porn.” – Evil Twin
*shudders*. It’s like he’s not even a rapper anymore. Just a guy who says puns over a beat. This is the same man who wrote Lose Yourself.
And Eminem fans, don’t worry. We know that he is definitely one of the best rappers of all time, and his back catalogue is almost untouchable.
And we’ll do a ‘best ever Eminem lyrics’ one day too. Promise.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
