Forget about keyboard cats and all that “Water Dragon” craic that the Chinese are banging on about, 2013 was undoubtedly the Year Of The Goat.
You think we’re kidding, right? Wrong.
No godforsaken creature on this green Earth generated as many bonkers, batty or brilliant stories as those gorgeous, gormless goats did – not even a touche-twerking, Woodie’s-DIY-tool-licking Miley Cyrus and that’s really saying something.
Irish goats, Brazilian goats and even priceless Saudi Arabian goats all made welcome appearances on the website over the year that was and so, goats the world over, here at JOE HQ we thank you.
Here’s a run down of some of JOE’s favourite goat tails tales from 2013:
Brazilian man set to marry his beloved pet goat…
And you thought JOE loved goats. Not as much as Aparecido Castaldo, 74, who planned to trot down the aisle with his beloved goat, Carmelita. “She doesn’t speak and doesn’t want money.”
Sounds like a pretty sweet deal so…
Bully Goat Gruff – Crazy goat terrorises Brazilian neighbourhood…
Ah, Brazilian goats – the goaty gift that keeps on giving.
Butting people, biting people, chasing people – it was all in a day’s work for one particularly demented urban goat.
Now, we’re just speculating here, but we’d hazard a guess that this goat’s anger issues may have had something to do with being stood up at the altar by a certain Carmelita (see above).
Police warned to stay clear of goat who ‘only respects one man’
It seems like barmy Brazilian goats weren’t the only creatures that needed to sign themselves up for some anger management classes, as one ostentatious Oregon goat (Ore-goat?) was very determined to stay atop a home-owner’s roof when petrified police were called to the scene.
Maybe someone just really got on his goat…
Goat sells for $3.6 million in Saudi Arabia…
It seems that mad men didn’t just want to marry goats or get them down safely from a neighbour’s house, however, as one beserk businessman in the Saudi Arabian capital of Riyadh sold a prized goat for a staggering 13 million Riyals, which is roughly $3.6 million.
The floopin’ thing didn’t even look healthy for God’s sake.
Jamaican farmer pledges to fit beloved goats with anti-theft alarms…
On a sadder note, not all goat-lovers had a spare $3.6 million lying around to buy themselves a brand, spankin’ new (jaundice-looking) goat, and so, some desperate souls in Jamaica took to stealing herds at a time – the flocking basta*ds.
They didn’t count on Jamaican farmer Christopher Clarke, however, who vowed to fit his herd of goats with some form of anti-theft device in a bid to stop his precious livestock from being stolen saying, “to the way me desperate right now, me really looking at the idea to install alarm on some of me goats on me farm.”
We couldn’t have put it better ourselves Christoper.
Roscommon students reinstated after suspension for acting the goat…
Thankfully, our home nation of Ireland was also well-represented when it came to classic caprine capers and, back in June of 2013, three Roscommon rapscallions were reinstated in their school having originally been suspended for letting a goat loose on the school Astroturf pitch.
In Nanny case, after what must have been much bleating in the wake of the incident, the three guilty students were given a reprieve and are now back in school, although no doubt the message about avoiding involvement in similar incidents in the future has been rammed down their throats.
Here’s one Cavan fan that’s really going to get your goat…
Ahead of Cavan’s All-Ireland quarter-final against Kerry earlier this year, one particular goat fan was spotted just outside Virginia on the Dublin road, fully decked out in the county colours, and was certainly behind his team in spite of Kerry bleating them 0-15 to 0-09. He wasn’t just trolling either…
Mount Leinster Rangers have now enlisted a goat into their celebrations…
Cavan followers weren’t the only fans who enlisted the help of their friendly neighbourhood goat come match-time, as Mount Leinster Rangers’ success in the Leinster club championship final was followed by some pretty wild celebrations involving a certain Ivan the Goat.
@breakfastnt Paul Coady, Denis Murphy and finally in the middle, new supporter Ivan the Goat pic.twitter.com/dOyjbsh3KS
— Mt Leinster Rangers (@MLRangers) December 3, 2013
And last, but most certainly not bleast, no 2013 round up of goat-related shenanigans would be complete without the musical, screaming goats who started all of this animalistic awesomeness off.
It is of course the screaming goat (and pals) who somehow made the songs of Taylor Swift, Jon Bon Jovi and our very own Linda Martin sound even better than we could have ever possibly dreamed…
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
