"Get a job? Get a job? Just get a job? Why don't I strap on my job helmet, squeeze into a job cannon and fire off into Jobland where jobs grow on jobbies?"
"Can I offer you an egg in this trying time?"
"Crime, penetration, crime, full penetration, crime, penetration."
"I will eat your babies, bitch."
"If I was looking for safe, I wouldn't be sticking my dick through a wall."
"If I've learned anything from films Executive Decision or Passenger 57, there's always a way into the cargo hold."
"I eat stickers all the time, dude!"
"There is nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who is smart and attractive. We have to pretend you're both!"
"Ohhhhhhhh shit! Look at that door, dude. See that door there? The one marked 'Pirate?' You think a pirate lives in there?"
"We're drinking tequila out of sunscreen bottles."
"I hate listening to people's dreams. It is like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I'm not in any of them and nobody is having sex, I just don't care."
"It's like, when I'm doing good in the game, I'm doing good in life."
"Hi. I'm a recovering crack head. This is my retarded sister that I take care of. I'd like some welfare, please."
"Child pageantry is an essential part of the American fabric."
"I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little butt, I'm gonna to kick some butt in the U.S.A., gonna climb a mountain, gonna sew a flag, gonna fly on an eagle. I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna drive a big truck, I'm gonna rule this world, I'm gonna kick some butt, I'm gonna rise up, I'm gonna kick a little butt. ROCK, FLAG, and EAGLE!"
"I don't know how many years I got left on this earth, I'm gonna get real weird with it."
"Well, first of all, through God all things are possible, so jot that down."
"I like to bind. I like to be... bound."
"I won't change my mind 'cause I don't have to. 'Cause I'm an American. I won't change my mind on anything regardless of the facts that are set out before me."
"Hello fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power. Good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot.' What? 'Taxes, they'll be lower. Son. The Democratic vote for me is right thing to do Philadelphia. So do.' This doesn't make any sense!"