All you need to know about Roscommon and Connacht intermediate champions, St. Croan’s.
It’s going to be a bit lonely around the Roscommon parishes of Ballintubber and Ballymoe this Valentine’s weekend.
The wives, girlfriends and boyfriends of everyone involved with St. Croan’s won’t care too much about that, however, because they’ll be on the most romantic journey the GAA has to offer, a big day out in Croke Park on All-Ireland club final day.
To get this far, the Roscommon club overcame the challenge of Galway club Killanin in the Connacht Intermediate final and defeated Sean O’Mahony’s of Louth in the All-Ireland semi-final.
Ahead of a meeting with Ardfert of Kerry in the final, we caught up with a St. Croan’s player who insisted on remaining anonymous to give us the lowdown on life in the dressing room and the type of characters that exist within.
Spotlight on St. Croan’s
Club: St Croan’s
Club colours: Blue and White
Year established: 1942
Estimated size of population covered by parish: 1250
Proudest moment in the club’s history? Reaching the All-Ireland Intermediate Final
Most loyal/fanatical supporter? Jimmy Egan, Carane.
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Best nickname: Dan Malone, otherwise known as ‘Danimal’. Despite being the youngest player on the team, he’s been known to knock fitness instructors back on their hole in games.
They say he has six cups of tea before a game and three at half time to fuel his power. It’s also thought that no matter how hard the physio rubs Danimal, he feels no pain, not even in “Connacht Ice Baths,” his favourite spot to cool off.
Most likely player to be found on Tinder? Aidan Kelly. Still pulling the young ones due to his captaincy of the Intermediate-winning, 2009 team. Has been known to bring Tinder matches as far as Paris to sweep them off their feet.
Money is no obstacle to this man; love is all he’s after. It’s only a matter of time before that money talks.
Most likely player to break a beer ban? Rivalled only by his brother Vincent for breaking beer bans, Tommy Egan spends his days protecting the peasant man.
He likes to enjoy his breaks having a 99 in Tarmonbarry. He’s moving up the ranks and one day is set to become Garda Commissioner. In the evenings he’s either training, canvassing for Fianna Fáil, selling turf in the pub or having a few sneaky ones.
There are too many stories involving this man to even start mentioning.
Player still dressing themselves like it’s 1999? Tommy Garvey, who made his debut in the senior team in 1993 as a forward.
He fancies himself as a Gok Wan but hasn’t quite made it to the 21st century yet. Had to be escorted out of the ladies’ lingerie department when his cross-dressing fetish went too far!
Team-mate you wouldn’t like to meet down a dark alley?
Thomas “Scoops” Mockleir. A dangerous man if you get on the wrong side of him.
Following a few incidents in the dark alleyways of Ballintubber he had to be deported to Canada to let things cool for a while.
He’s back with a bang and his addition to the panel has added an extra bit of bite.
Biggest shaper on the pitch? Shane Smyth, AKA Conor McGregor. Throws a lot of shapes and talks the talk. His McGregor beard has been one of the talking points of the championship.
His communication levels on the pitch are limited because someone turned down his volume and despite his best efforts, nobody can hear him.
Others think it’s because he’s living in the younger brother’s shadow.
Is there anyone on the team still wearing Mikasa gloves? Philip Leech. If those gloves could talk!
They have seen every momentous occasion in the past 10 years. Philip first found them left behind in a dressing room at an under-10 game and hasn’t let them out of his sight since.
Their remarkable durability and elasticity has allowed them to remain as Philip’s old reliables for all the big games, despite their age. `
Oldest player to ever have played for the club: Martin Towey, who’s known as the Grandad of the team and is the immortal man still featuring in most of our games this year.
Martin Towey (left) is some man for one man
Milks 60 cows a day and pulls about 30 lambs. No sign of retirement or slowing down. Many people think his ultimate goal is to line up alongside his son Donal for the Croan’s seniors.
The general of the team, nobody messes with Martin and he is well backed up by the “Healy Rae” Towey Brothers!
Best ‘Junior B GAA story’ involving your club? This one has to go to the Notorious Damien “Stumpy” Garvey. Even the sound of his name sends shivers down referees’ spines.
Unfortunately, defenders of his opponents didn’t get the same memo. An altercation with a referee suddenly merged the worlds of MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) and GAA and brought a local Junior B Final into disrepute.
A lifetime ban means he couldn’t be part of this year’s journey. However, he plays a big part in the celebrations as he moonlights and works part-time in one of the many pubs in the parish.
