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28th Aug 2014

Remember that College Football player who rescued his drowning nephew? Well, he lied

Never believe in heroes kids...

Alan Loughnane

University of Southern California captain Josh Shaw was in the headlines earlier this week for reportedly rescuing his nephew from drowning in a swimming pool.

Shaw was said to have leaped from a second story building onto concrete, badly injuring his ankles, in order to save his stricken nephew.

However, Shaw has come clean to USC and admitted that the story is a complete fabrication, and that his injuries did not come in the process of saving a life. Here is his statement, issued via his lawyer.

“On Saturday, August 23, 2014, I injured myself in a fall,” the statement said. “I made up a story about this fall that was untrue. I was wrong to not tell the truth. I apologize to USC for this action on my part.”

It has also been revealed that the defensive back has been named in a Los Angeles Police Department Report. Shaw is not currently a suspect in any investigation but a man fitting his description was seen running away from an incident on Saturday night and a woman interviewed at the scene said ‘Sounds like my boyfriend, Josh Shaw’.

USC has suspended the player, who is injured anyway, and head coach Steve Sarkiian was not a happy bunny.

“We are extremely disappointed in Josh,” said Sarkisian. “He let us all down. As I have said, nothing in his background led us to doubt him when he told us of his injuries, nor did anything after our initial vetting of his story.”

JOE is quite confused by the whole incident. Why create such an elaborate lie about the incident which was sure to draw widespread media attention? Why not keep it simple and say he slipped on the stairs or fell while doing the ice bucket challenge?

This incident proves you should never have heroes kids; they will only let you down. JOE is off to sell the 300 “Josh Shaw is a hero” t-shirts we bought on Monday…