Get those snacks ready.
Strap yourself in. Say g’luck to your family and friends – you don’t need them anymore (for now). All you need is your phone, your phone charger, probably some water and your TV remote control.
Everyone you care about will still be there on Monday once this weekend is over. This is time for you.
Friday
You may have a workplace who expect you to be present; you may not. If it’s the latter then have a lazy morning before settling back down on your couch. You deserve it.
7:00pm-12:30am – The Masters: Sky Sports Main Event & Sky Sports Golf
Time to give the golf the attention it deserves. Things are going to start getting heated at Augusta as the contenders jostle for position at the top of the leaderboard while others scramble to make the cut. It promises to be a fascinating night of action so don’t even think about moving.
Saturday
You may need an iPad or laptop to watch more than one event at a time. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
11:30am (kick-off at 12:30pm) – Everton v Liverpool: Sky Sports Main Event & Sky Sports Premier League
The Premier League weekend kicks off with the Merseyside derby, and Everton are due a win in the fixture. The Toffees haven’t beat their city rivals since 2010, and form suggests that wait for a win will go on. Liverpool have just beaten Manchester City 3-0 and look certain to qualify for next season’s Champions League. Everton are having one of their worst seasons for a decade, their squad will need another overhaul in the summer, and few expect Sam Allardyce to remain as manager. That being said, Big Sam would die a happy man if he could do what Pep Guardiola couldn’t and get the better of Jurgen Klopp.
3:55pm – F1 Qualifying: Sky Sports Main Event & Sky Sports F1
Vettel versus Hamilton is once again expected to be the main duel in the second grand prix of the season and we can expect an epic battle in qualifying.
5:00pm-8:00pm (Kick-off 5:30pm) – Manchester City v Manchester United: Live on Sky Sports Main Event & Sky Sports Premier League
City have the chance to win the Premier League title against their bitter rivals, and Jose Mourinho has the chance to spoil their day. It won’t be boring.
7:00pm-12:30am – The Masters: Live on Sky Sports Golf from 7pm, Main Event from 8pm and on BBC2 from 7.30pm.
The Premier League title could be wrapped in time for you to settle down and watch The Masters enter the business stage of the tournament. It’s ‘Moving Day’ at Augusta and things are getting tense, serious and highly competitive. It should be fascinating.
1:00am-7:00am – UFC 223: Live on BT Sport 2.
Thanks to events at the Barclays Center on Thursday – you may have heard one or two things about a bus, a manhunt and some projectiles – this is likely to be one of the most viewed UFC events of the last two or three years, no matter who ends up on the card.
Sunday
Rise around noon, eat, drink some water. A shower might be a good idea. Now get back on the couch.
1:30pm-4:15pm (Kick-off 2:15pm) – Arsenal v Southampton – Sky Sports Main Event & Sky Sports Premier League
Southampton desperately need a win to try to remain in the Premier League and Arsenal err, need a win to stay ahead of Burnley in sixth-place. There’ll be goals and possibly a riot if the Saints win.
3:00pm-7:15pm (Kick-off 3.15pm) – Real Madrid v Atletico Madrid – Sky Sports Mix
One of the biggest games on the La Liga roster sees Real – fresh from their Champions League quarter-final first leg win over Juventus, and THAT Ronaldo strike – take on their bitter city rivals in Atletico, who are currently four points ahead of the European Cup holders. This will be spicy.
3:10pm – Allianz Hurling League Division 1 Final – TG4
Nowlan Park is the venue as old foes Kilkenny and Tipperary do battle in this top tier decider.
4:05pm-6:30pm – Bahrain Grand Prix: Sky Sports F1
If you need a break from the football and the golf, you’re in luck. The F1 season got off to a thrilling start in Australia and Bahrain promises to be just as special.
4:15pm-7:00pm (Kick-off 4:30pm) – Chelsea v West Ham
The Premier League weekend ends with a London derby. Chelsea may miss out on Champions League qualification, but their fans will take a lot of pleasure from a victory over West Ham and dumping back into relegation trouble.
6:30pm-12:30am – The Masters: Live on Sky Sports Golf from 6:30pm, Main Event from 6:30pm and on BBC2 from 6:30pm.
Settle in for the final day of action from Augusta. This is going to be epic.
12:30am – Pat yourself on the back.
You did it.
