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25th Aug 2014

Ten things you will hear down the pub ahead of Manchester City v Liverpool tonight

The top two from last season's Premier League go toe-to-toe tonight at the Etihad in the first proper big match of the season. Tasty...

Eric Lalor

The top two from last season’s Premier League go toe-to-toe tonight at the Etihad in the first proper big match of the season. Tasty…

1. ‘That grass is looking very lush, hope Stevie G has his long studs in.’ – No real explanation needed for this one, but that slip from Gerrard against Chelsea last season will probably haunt him until he finally retires.

Manchester City v Aston Villa - Premier League

2. ‘No matter what happens here, the league won’t be decided tonight.’ – Both sets of fans will be throwing this one out ad nauseam before kick-off and of course they are right, but if one of them wins convincingly, the league, of course, is over.

3. ‘City are ruining football with their spending.’ – City have spent a lot of money, that is true, but their cross city neighbours have spent a huge amount recently and still look like a mid-table side.

4. ‘Have City always wore blue as their home kit?’ – This one is solely the preserve of the legion of band-wagon fans City have accumulated over the past few years.

5. ‘Brendan Rodgers will bring the best out of Mario Balotelli.’ – Liverpool fans slightly concerned at Mario’s penchant for the ridiculous will be convincing themselves that mind guru and all round Zen presence Brendan Rodgers will tame the beast inside.

6. ‘What’s the story with Joe Hart’s barnet?’  – It does seem strange that a man who seemingly has hair with the texture of a Brillo pad is fronting a major shampoo marketing campaign.

International Champions Cup 2014 - Manchester City v Olympiacos

7. ‘Liverpool have lost their bite.’ – Smug City fans will think they are hilarious and clever as a box of encyclopaedias with this one. Suarez would be missed by any team in the world.

8. ‘Yaya is the heartbeat of our team.’ – City fans will laud Toure as a legend despite his ridiculous attempts to engineer a move away from the club during the summer.

9. The Toure brothers song.  – Guaranteed.

10. ‘Let’s all laugh at United.’ – Everyone in the pub, before, during and after the game…