The Noise from Brazil: A million vidiprinters combust as Eamon flings that imaginary pen once more

A full 10 and a half hours after the final whistle in Belo Horizonte and, we'll be quite honest, we haven't a f***ing clue where to start.

David Luiz's flailing ringlets? Fred and his remarkable ability to be EXACTLY where the ball wasn't? Dante's doppelganger making an absolute show out of the real deal, no doubt shackled in some King's Landing dungeon, signposting the way to goal for the disbelieving German hordes? All of the above and then some. In case you couldn't quite believe what had happened, the Beeb brought forth the brackets and had us gazing fondly into the middle distance for vidiprinters past. Luckily, at least we had Eamon Dunphy on hand for some perspective, some reason, a moderate approximation of the whole thing to send us off to sleep decompressed. "FOOTBALL AS WE KNOW IT IS DOOMED, BILL!" he blathered. "LOOK AT ENGLAND! LOOK AT WALES! LOOK AT SCOTLAND! RAGBALL ROVERS!" "Ah now, Eamon..." said Liam. "NO LIAM! DOOMED I TELLS YA! WE'VE  WITNESSED ARMAGEDDON TONIGHT AND I FOR ONE (switches to quiet voice to indicate gravitas) am shocked, and appalled, and SADDENED that a team that once featured Pele, Jairzinho and Ronaldo are reduced to this. "And look at Ireland! Ireland will never produce another John Giles, another Liam Brady, we may as well run for the hills Bill! I'm going beyond the wall, there's nothing for me here now, NOTHING!" Time for Gilesy: "He's right, Bill." Disclaimer: None of this is verbatim, and JOE had had a few shandies when Eamon went on his rant, but we like to think this is a decent reconstruction of events.

And so to tonight...

Football has one chance to change Eamon's mind, to convince him that the game that was flourishing - his beautiful game - a couple of rounds ago is still alive and well and not dying on the vine. Two men hold the key to Eamon's redemption and, one feels, his sanity. If Arjen Robben can stay vertical for more than a couple of minutes and Lionel Messi doesn't fail us now, then all will be well in the Montrose garden once more. What colour will bathe the Empire State tonight?