The Noise From Brazil: England on the brink, Balotelli wants a kiss from the Queen and another JOEpan update

Luis Suarez looks to have killed off England's World Cup chances, but Mario Balotelli has offered to help providing his request is granted.

Luis Suarez (pic below) broke English hearts last night in Sao Paolo as his two goals left England on the brink of World Cup elimination. Suarez, who Roy Hodgson said 'was not world-class', scored two world class goals in Uruguay's 2-1 victory. The result leaves England relying on Italy to beat both Costa Rica and Uruguay to leave them with any chance of qualifying for the last 16. Step forward the man from Italy, the irrepressible Mario Balotelli (pic below), who has offered his services to beat Costa Rica, providing he gets a kiss. From the Queen. On his cheek. Balotelli took to Twitter to announce his proposal, which you can read about here. The last match of the day yesterday featured our team JOEpan and they drew 0-0 in a fairly dour encounter against Greece. The Greeks were down to ten men before half-time and we're disappointed the JOEpan lads couldn't press home the numerical advantage. They're still in with a slight chance, but they've got no Mario Balotelli offering them salvation. No matter, we'll keep on believing until it's mathematically impossible to believe. The JOEpan footballers may be struggling somewhat, but their fans are still the best fans out in Brazil. We reported on how they cleaned up the stadium after their first match here and they repeated that feat last night following their disappointing result against Greece. Look at how happy they are to bring bin liners (pic above) to the party. Legends, one and all.