“The most outdoorsy thing I normally do is drink on patios…”
On Episode 7 of The JOE Show, we had music from The City and Us, some Euros nostalgia and fantastic interviews with Niall Horan, ‘Matthew McConaughey’ and the cast from Cardboard Gangsters.
After we mastered the art of dance last week with Kymann and the Lords of Strut, we started to wonder: farming – how hard can it be?
I set off to the far-flung land of Cappamore in Limerick to learn the tricks of the agricultural trade from Ireland’s most famous farmer – 105-cap Ireland international and former Lions prop John ‘The Bull’ Hayes.
As a day’s work on the farm lay ahead, I elected to bring a flat cap, which made me look like a cross between a farmer, a camp barista and an absolute bellend.
After grappling with public transport, we rocked up at Casa del Hayes to be greeted by the man himself – all 6’4″ and 125kg of him.
Though our farming dress sense differed somewhat, The Bull and I soon clicked as my agricultural roots began to show – a stáge on a vineyard 7 years previously was proving useful experience for the cow chasing and faecal redistribution (sh*t-shovelling) that lay ahead.
John, clearly impressed by my viticultural experience, quickly set me to work removing a massive pile of bovine excrement from a cow pen. Gloria, the one remaining cow in the shed, made her presence felt with intimidating moos every minute or two.
After that, there was some straw restructuring and silage work to be done, which I managed to get the grasp of within a mere 40 minutes.
The toughest task of the day was herding calves – they obviously knew a novice cowboy when they saw one. Sensing my lactose intolerance, they proved elusive in what was one of the most thrilling chases since Bullitt.
The Bull, quite literally in his field, was a patient teacher and thankfully chose to not dump tackle me into a slurry pit at any point.
After what seemed like hours of work (“more like an hour”) we called it a day, just about scraping the John Hayes seal of approval.
It turns out farming isn’t as hard as it seems. Right guys? ….right??
Tune in next Tuesday at 8:30pm for more life lessons and chancer-related activity, only on The JOE Show.
Do you have a story that requires Joe Gorman and Kymann Power’s sleuthing? Hit them up on Instagram or email [email protected].
Thanks to Dove Men + Care, You can join Irish legend John Hayes at the Light House cinema for a special screening of the second Lions test, just click here for more details.
