5 ways you can subtly let your work colleagues know you went to the gym
The most important thing about going to the gym, is everyone knowing you went to the gym*...
Everyone knows the only reason you go to the gym is so that other people know you went… and looking good naked, that’s another reason. But mostly so people know you went. What is the point in even attempting a lift unless you update all social media profiles?
I’m talking Instagram. I’m talking Facebook. I’m talking about that one where you send an image and it disappears after a few seconds.
In all honesty, the incessant need to let people know about your workouts is a known medical condition called: Being an annoying bastard.
But there’s some of you strange folk walking among us in the world who would rather keep your workouts a secret. They prefer to workout in social media silence. They don’t even tell their friends that they smashed their PB bench press last night… weirdos.
They must be just embarrassed about all the attention and likes they’d get on their profiles and all the darling adoration they receive from their friends in person.
But don’t worry, we’re here to help. We’ll give you a complete guide to letting people know you went to the gym without having to tell them directly or updating your social media status. Follow these simple steps, and people will know all about how you cultivate mass.
Carry a protein shaker with you at all times…
Step one, get yourself a protein shaker… preferably one with the word “protein” on the side, to avoid any possible confusion.
Carrying this around will convince people that you care about your fitness. Carry it with you to work. To the toilet. When you make tea in the office. When you talk to other colleagues. Basically, it should never be out of your hand. People will eventually get the message.
Stretch at your desk (loud groaning optional)
Stretching at your desk or place of work is nothing new. People do it all the time. But when you do it, they’ll think to themselves; “There’s a guy who hit the gym hard last night.”
Start by massaging the back of your arms with a pained expression on your face. Rub your triceps and slowly move your way onto your biceps. Stretch your arms high above your head and place your hands together, and emit a groan as you lean from side to side. NOTE: This is not a sexual thing.
Wear shorts coming back from lunch time
What better way to let people know that you’ve been hitting it hard at the gym than to arrive back from your lunch complete with a set of gym shorts?
You accompany this move with a Tupperware container of some kind of combination of chicken and rice, which is then eaten at your desk outside of your lunch hour. People will know you couldn’t eat at lunch time as you were too busy hitting the gym.
Complain loudly about the stairs, even though you’ve never complained about them before
The more gym savvy will instinctively know you’re talking about leg day and spread the word among the other staff in your office.
They will also know that you’re not just a guy for the beach muscles in the gym and like to workout your entire body. People will respect your commitment to all your muscle groups, even if your arm to leg day ratio stands somewhere at 75:1.
Eavesdrop on your co-workers
Just like the NSA, train yourself to listen to out for keywords. Words and phrases like “Flyefit”, “workout”, “personal best”, “creepy, hairy guy at the gym” are your bread and butter. If you hear these, it’s your time to sweep in boisterously and share your experiences.
I know what you’re thinking, this seems like you’re telling them about your gym life. But in reality, they’ve already brought up the subject. All you’re doing is letting them know you’ve had similar experiences, people will relate and word will once again spread throughout your workplace. When you pass people in work and you hear them whispering, you will know they’re
mocking you relentlessly talking about your bulking prowess.