Transfer Window: Vidic, Henry, Joe Cole and more

Everton defender Phil Jagielka is the latest target, along with Chelsea's England midfielder Joe Cole, Fulham goalkeeper Mark Schwarzer and Lorient defender Laurent Koscielny.

As an intellectual, the Arsenal boss knows for every action, there is a reaction and the potential incomings have sparked a back four exodus at the Emirates.

Sol Campbell is on his way out, possibly to Celtic as they will give him time off to get married, but that's one rumour JOE doesn’t believe. Mikael Silvestre will end his uninspiring time at the Emirates, Phillipe Senderos will be reading books on Fulham‘s bench whilst William Gallas will be whinging elsewhere.

Wenger also did his best to quell any more Fabregas speculation by saying he is finished talking about the ‘Fab Barca Saga‘. That didn’t deter the gossips, however and the latest rumour has Yaya Toure giving his place on the Barca bench to the Spaniard.

West Ham

West Ham have made a dramatic transformation from pauper to privileged. Gianfranco Zola’s pasta must be ruined as he reads rumours suggesting the Hammers are no longer shopping in the transfer bargain basement.

The team who brought massage-lover Avram Grant and porn businessman David Sullivan together are looking to bring ‘respectable world class’ footballers to Upton Park.

Fittingly they have been linked with honest, trustworthy French handyman Thierry Henry. West Ham’s knowledgeable co-chairmen claim they are serious in their pursuit of the Gunners’ all-time leading goal scorer.

Prodigal son Joe Cole is also on a transfer list that is more wish than hit. The Hammers are hoping to bring back the man who captained them in their relegation season. The bubble blowers are also pursuing more realistic targets in Nice's Nigerian defender Apam Onyekachi, David James and Jimmy Bullard.

Grant is also said to be very keen on signing portly front man Yakubu, who when fed will grow bigger or score depending on which fans’ song you listen to.

Trading places in Manchester

Sales of the Eddie Murphy film Trading Places are on the up in Manchester. The blue half of the city are rejoicing in the similarities between what happens in the film and what is currently happening at the city’s football clubs.

City’s recent transformation has resembled the fortunes of Eddie Murphy’s character, a former beggar who becomes rich while United’s financial woes have followed a similar path to Dan Aykroyd’s character, a former stock broker who ends up living on the streets (although he is still somewhat lucky as he shares a bed with a young and regularly naked Jamie Lee Curtis).

This week’s transfer gossip involving United will further fuel such comparisons and prompt more Eastlands laughter than any comedy could. While City are eager to smash the world transfer record, Alex Ferguson is trawling the list of players who are available for free.

Sir Alex is set to make Michael Ballack, who is that far past his best he would have looked out of his depth in the recent Soccer Aid International, his next Juan Sebastian Veron or Kleberson. Another Chelsea reject, Joe Cole is also on United’s radar. The fact he is also available on a free is just coincidental and suggests nothing to do with the debt-ridden club’s finances!

Tottenham’s Luca Modric has also been linked with a move to Old Trafford and it is said that Ferguson is eager to swap any of his midfielders under the age of 40 to capture his man. Michael Carrick, Darren Fletcher and Anderson are all said to have been offered in exchange for the Croat. The tricky midfielder, however, is keen to play Champions League football in the 2011-2012 season so he has opted to stay put.

More bad news for United fans sees Wayne Rooney linked with Real Madrid. JOE can just imagine the conversation between Sir Alex and the Special One on that topic.

Same Old Same Old

Rafa Benitez and Roy Hodgson might be sitting in new dug outs and fulfilling new managerial roles at Inter Milan and Liverpool respectively next term, but their team sheets might have a familiar look.

Benitez is keen to be reunited with his favourite work horses Javier Mascherano and Dirk Kuyt. The Spaniard is also said to be missing Lucas and Pepe Reina and may bring them to Italy. The main stumbling block to any moves would be the price Benitez previously put on said players’ heads.

Similarly, Hodgson thinks that the players that performed for him so admirably last season could do a similar job in the red of Liverpool. According to the Red Tops, he will offer Brede Hangeland and Zoltan Gera contracts with a substantial amount of 0’s to move to Merseyside. One rag, albeit an unreliable publication, claims Woy wants to bring Liverpool fan Danny Murphy back to the club.

At last Spurs linked with a poor player

Vincenzo Iaquinta was so ubiquitous in the Spurs gossip columns a few years back that some Tottenham fans simply nicknamed him 'Dave'. Well ‘Dave’ could be partnering ‘Peter’ up front at the Lane next term if his agent is to be believed. But we here at JOE have faith in Harry and we can’t see him signing a player who is as reliable as Rob Green’s hands. An £8 million bid for Ipswich's teenage sensation Connor Wickham sounds more Arry-esque.

Tottenham are also keen to reward Porto striker Radamel Falcao for his sensational goal scoring form with a move to the Premier League. Another player in the White Hart Lane revolving striker door would surely ensure another ‘dream move’ for Ireland’s Robbie Keane.

Stoke Strike

It seems Stoke want more strikers than any disgruntled Union could provide. The Potters are said to be looking to give Carlton Cole, Roman Pavlyuchenko and Robbie Keane a fair day’s pay for a fair day’s work. This means that Tuncay, Ricardo Fuller, Dave Kitson and James Beattie could leave for Blackburn, Burnley, Reading and whoever else might be interested.

All Quiet on the Irish Front.

Irish players are not only absent from this year’s World Cup, they are also nowhere to be seen on the transfer rumour mill. The only Irish players to get significant mentions were Aidan McGeady, Daryl Murphy and Shane Long.

McGeady and Long are both mulling over improved contracts offered to them to tempt them to rebuff the advances of Birmingham, while if new Celtic boss Neil Lennon stumps up another £250,000, he could net former Waterford front man Murphy.

Lennon tried to emulate Roy Keane on the field and seems to be copying his managerial style. The Celtic legend is copying the Cork man’s policy of buying ‘not so guaranteed’ Irish, as Celtic have recently been linked to Liam Lawrence and Shane St Ledger.