If you've never imagined Brendan Rodgers spending two months in a glass box on the top of the Eiffel Tower, then you're not imagining hard enough.

A David Blaine-type street magician is just one of the six professions we thought up for the Brodge, as Noel Gallagher painfully dubbed him, after his sacking by Liverpool on Sunday. https://twitter.com/br_uk/status/650733650074578944

1. Street magician

Brendan: "Pick a card. Any card. Pick it emphatically, with clarity, with purpose. Don't tell me the card you picked. Keep it hidden. No matter which card you pick it'll be an excellent card. Right so, ok? Is this your card?" Member of public: "No."

2. Dentist

"You may think you're feeling some pain just below the left incisor but what you're really feeling is the potential never to feel that pain again, d'ya understand?" https://twitter.com/JOE_co_uk/status/650736730165899264

3. Architect

"What I'm trying to do here is build something, an institution. I know the history of this site and with clarity of purpose we can turn this wasteland into a colossal structure to stand for many years to come. "This is not just about my legacy but the whole area's longevity and without building something for the future you run the risk of the project not being realised and then we're entering into the realm of tragedy, OK? OK."

4. Motivational speaker

https://twitter.com/JOE_co_uk/status/649690095675678720

5. Film agent

"I have a number of young stars with great potential who would be ideal for this production. Yes, I know the last fella ran off with the director's wife and drugged his dog but this was a young kid with excellent... verve and charisma... from a difficult background who just needs that bit of guidance, OK?" https://twitter.com/vonstrenginho/status/644584642226601986

6. Newcastle United manager

"This is a massive club, a sleeping giant if you will, with the kind of history that makes it so important to this community. OK, it's lost its way a bit in recent times but there's an infrastructure here that's second to none and commitment and honesty and determination and project and determination and is it just me or is it a bit hot in here and street smarts and project and OK? Great."