Sex Panther, magnificent mullets and scarily skin-tight jeans; these top tips will keep you right...
Having already brought you JOE's 12 First Date Turnoffs, we've teamed up with CB12 once more to offer you 12 top tips to help you on your way to becoming an all-round polished JOEntleman.
What do you mean "JOEntleman" isn't a real word? Of course it is...
Trust us, these 12 quick and simple tips will make even the most cavemen-like lads polished and respectable. That's our theory anyway...
1. Have a wash...
Hygiene is of the utmost importance so first things first; get yourself well and truly scrubbed up. There's to be no turning up on dates with a teeny-tiny bit of mud on your clothes like the guy below, OK?
2. Spray yourself in snazzy smelly stuff...
There's only one smell you want to be wearing when you leave the house from now on; Sex Panther. If it's good enough for the Channel 4 News Team then it's good enough for you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0LVcTUa31Y
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrckYWFgl4s
3. Get your hair done...
Forget your Trumps, your Biebers and your Beckhams; when we say "get your hair done" we're talking about a nice, respectable short back and sides. Nothing too fancy or extravagant.
If you really want to impress though, we'd suggest the Mullet. Business at the front, party at the back baby...
4. And have a close shave...
That's right, as well as all of that showering malarkey, make sure that you have yourself a shave. Why not go all out and visit your local barber for the full works...
If you do decide to go with the hairy-faced look, however, make sure you do something pretty goddayum spectacular with it...
5. Try to look reasonably fashionable
It's tough keeping up with all of the most up-to-date fashion trends, but the best bit of advice we could give anyone is to wear something that your mammy would approve of. Whatever you do, however, do NOT, for the love of God almighty in heaven above, follow in the unfashionable faux-pas footsteps of this particular gentleman.
What is seen cannot be unseen...
6. Sort your bad breath out...
Bad breath, halitosis, stank mouth – no matter what name you give it, no gentleman wants to be walking around dishing out a devastating dose of doo-doo mouth. Our advice is to make sure you use something like CB12 oral breath rinse every morning and evening and definitely don’t forget to freshen up with the all-important CB12 Boost chewing gum before leaving the house.
That way you can be sure that you’ll have safe breath for the next 12 hours.
7. Get yourself a respectable wristwatch...
The polished JOE is always on time. Or, at least, the polished JOE always knows what time it is due to the respectable wristwatch on your arm. That's right people, ON YOUR ARM. Not around your neck like this muppet Flava Flav...
8. Make sure to have the perfect chat up line...
You're a cool customer so once again our advice is to follow in the funny footsteps of San Diego's finest as to how to successfully woo the future love of your life...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oFSWsKiWNBc
9. And always follow it up with the perfect joke...
No one in their right mind can resist the man armed with the perfect punchline. You're welcome to borrow JOE's personal favourite... What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What do you mean you've heard better Dad jokes!?
10. Make sure you're chivalrous...
The JOEntleman (there's that word again) such as yourself will always offer their arm while walking with a date...
Just make sure you don't literally offer your arm of course. That's when things start to get creepy and messy...
11. Offer to pay when out on a date...
The perfect polished JOE will always (at least) make the offer to pay for a drink/meal/jail bail when out on a date. It is an Irish tradition after all, practised by none other than the wonderful Mrs Doyle...
12. Learn how to dance...
If you really want to impress then you've got know how to bust some serious moves. We're thinking more of this guy...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LUID0jSh2Ic
And less of this Dad dancing...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bP06EJniVs
JOE’s 12 tips to become a polished JOE is brought to you by CB12 and new CB12 Boost.
