If the internet was a country, it would be the worst country on Earth.
Locals would come up to you and say, "Hello, traveller. Welcome to Internet. Have you been to visit the great Blue Waffle? It is one of our country's most important and impressive heritage sites. You must go!" And off you toddle, off to see the great Blue Waffle, and oh Jesus fuck what have you done.
There's a lot of fucked up shit on the internet, but some of it is hidden behind behind seemingly innocent names. So when someone told you to look up "Blue Waffle", you looked up "Blue Waffle", because what could be so bad about a blue waffle?
Turns out, a lot could be bad about a blue waffle.
If you're not into reading descriptions of gross shit on the internet, this is where you should stop reading.
1. Goatse
Photo: Pixabay
What you thought it might be: An affectionate nickname for a goat.
What it actually was: A man stretching his anus wide open.
2. Tubgirl
What you thought it might be: Just a girl hanging out in a tub, or maybe a cruel name for a slightly overweight woman.
What it actually was: A photo of a woman lying in a bath with orange diarrhea gushing onto her face. Arguably the worst picture on the internet.
3. Lemonparty
What you thought it might be: A dating network for socially awkward people, or just a bunch of lemons having a great time.
What it actually was: Three elderly gentlemen having a threesome. Perhaps more surprising than gross (especially if you were expecting a bunch of lemons having a great time).
4. Blue Waffle
What you thought it might be: A waffle made with blue food colouring; a novelty breakfast treat, perhaps.
What it actually was: A photo of a diseased/infected vagina.
5. Harlequin Fetus
What you thought it might be: A spin-off from the popular DC Comics character where Harley Quinn is a... fetus?
What it actually was: A photo of a baby with a rare and horrible skin disease (harlequin-type ichthyosis) which causes scale-like layers of thick skin to form, as well as disfiguring of eyes and appendages.
6. 2 Girls 1 Cup
Photo: Pexels
What you thought it might be: Two girls arguing over who gets to use the last cup at a party.
What it actually was: Two girls pooing into a cup then playing with it, then vomiting as a result.
7. Meatspin
What you thought it might be: Some kind of beef-related gameshow.
What it actually was: Two men having sex while the man in front's dick swings around in circles.
8. Trypophobia
Photo: Pixabay
What you thought it might be: The fear of tripping? Honestly, who knows when it comes to phobias.
What it actually was: Trypophobia is an unofficial phobia of patterns of small holes or bumps. On paper that doesn't sound so bad, but if you look at images associated with Typophobia, your skin will start to crawl and you'll feel very uncomfortable indeed.
9. BME Pain Olympics
Photo: Lars Baron / Getty Images
What you thought it might be: Some kind of sporting competition involving French bread.
What it actually was: A video of two guys castrating themselves. Literally cutting their dicks and balls off. The worst.
10. Kids in a Sandbox
What you thought it might be: Surely just some kids playing in a sandbox? Please, tell me it's just some innocent kids playing in a sandbox.
What it actually was: A video of a woman jabbing a vibrator down a man's urethra until his dick nearly splits in two.
11. Pink Socks
What you thought it might be: A lovely pair of pink socks.
What it actually was: A slang term for a kind of anal prolapse where withdrawing from anal sex too quickly pulls the colon inside out and protrudes from the body.
12. Mr. Hands
What you thought it might be: A guy famous for his incredible hands. They could do anything, those hands.
What it actually was: A video of a man being sodomised by a horse, who later died as a result. The man, not the horse.
13. 1 Man 1 Jar
Photo: Pexels
What you thought it might be: The story of one man's adventure through the wilderness, with only his best friend Jar to keep him company.
What it actually was: A video of a man putting a mason jar up his anus, which then shatters inside, causing a lot of bleeding and audible suffering.
We're so sorry for what you just read, but trust us, it's better than seeing it with your eyes.
