Can you relate?
Almost everyone will have to sit an exam at some point in their life, this writer still has regular nightmares about doing the Leaving Cert, but there are certain things that will inevitably happen before the test begins.
Most of the Irish people that we know have went through most of these stages. Have you?
1) Convince yourself that there’s no need to study
You have to admire those people that are so convinced that they’ve magically turned into Stephen Hawking or Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory that they don’t feel the need to study.
We have nothing but love for all you Irish chancers that try to convince your mam that there’s no need to revise ‘An Triail’ because it has no bearing on your future job as a world-famous ninja rocket scientist.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9g-dGVZkkk8
2) The ‘plenty of time left’ merchants
The conversation goes like this.
In your head: “Sure the exam is next Friday, I’ve got plenty of time”.
Thursday comes around.
In your head: “Sure the exam isn’t till midday tomorrow. I can still get stuff done”.
Friday comes around.
In your head: “Bollocks, I know nothing. I had no time to study. Maybe if I pass out then everything will magically answer itself for me”.
3) Create charts that you never use
Irish people love making charts and flash cards because it sort of gives us false hope that we’re actually doing something and getting prepared without really doing anything.
Have you ever looked at these fancy charts and said, “OK, I see I’ve got to study English for one hour here and then I can take a break”.
Personally speaking, it NEVER works out this way though because our attention span is like a dog chasing tinfoil.
Are you the same?
4) You’ve finally gone mad
Have you ever tried to convince yourself that Maths isn’t a real concept? Or that certain words or terms don’t exist?
Sometimes we’ve looked at at same word, sentence or equation so many times that we’ve convinced ourselves that they’re complete gibberish.
5) Procrastinate and watch old episodes of The Simpsons
Why do rational and intelligent people, who know that they really have to study because time is against them, actively look for any distraction to avoid doing some study?
We’ve all been there.
Checking Facebook, replying to every text, calling a mate that you would rarely talk to or watching old episodes of TV shows that you’ve seen 137 times before.
To be honest, we’d much rather chase a dog with a puffy tail than learn some really important things that might have a bearing on our future.
6) Practise with an old exam paper and lose all hope
OK, it’s time to do some serious work as you finally manage to tackle a previous exam paper in an effort to build up a little bit of momentum.
Here’s the moment when you realise that your answer is completely wrong to the one given in the back of the book.
7) The ‘that won’t come up’ line of logic
Do you know anyone that has ever said, “ah that topic came up last year so it definitely won’t be used again”?
Here’s how they look because they’re so confident that this topic wont appear again.
8) Shite. It came up
The only reaction.
9) Irish oral tips
There’s always one person that thinks “I’m going to be so clever by only talking in the future tense. If I take control of the conversation then the examiner will have no idea that I know absolutely nothing about the modh coinniollach.”
Yeah, good luck with that.
https://twitter.com/zoepowerx/status/588042382886707203
i didn’t know how to say “okay” or “sure thing” or any sort of pleasantries during my irish oral so i just nodded and smiled a lot
— cags (@_reflekt0r) April 14, 2015
i’m gonna go into my Irish oral with a walking stick and a pink cupcake and pretend to have an asthma attack and die — jake (@jrke) April 14, 2015
10) Your family turn into even bigger weirdos
They mean well, but are we the only ones whose mam regularly popped her head in the door to see if we needed some tea, sandwiches, pens etc?
Also, it’s weird to see your siblings, who usually revel in tormenting you, trying to be nice to you during this difficult exam period.
It’s creepy as hell.
STOP IT.
11) Pray to god
Even if you don’t believe in Jebus, Chuck Norris or BOD, all people sitting the Leaving Cert will have a small prayer directed towards the Big Man upstairs.
We all want the same thing; an easy paper, extra brains or to have our sanity preserved over the next few weeks.
We’re instantly reminded of this desperate attempt at a long shot.
12) Your sleep is fecked
Why is it when you really need to get sleep, it’s impossible to get any?
Your mind feels like a hamster that’s running around in a wheel for hours on end because you’re constantly thinking about the worst thing that could happen.
What makes things worse is that these constant nightmares never leave you.
Maybe this writer is just a weirdo, but we still have nightmares that involve us sitting our Leaving Cert, but we’re completely unprepared.
The worst part is when we wake up and still think that this nightmare is real before the sudden realisation hits us that, “Hey! I’m 28 and I left school over a decade ago”.
13) Avoid people going in and leaving the exam hall
If anyone ever utters these words to you, “How much study did you do? I swear to God that I did none”, then you’ve got our permission to strangle them with their own schoolbag strap.
These people are gremlins of the highest order and who rank alongside those people that hang back after an exam to compare answers and ask you what you got.
Why? Why would anyone want to make you feel instantly awful that your answer didn’t match up with theirs?
14) Expect nervous laughter when you’re in the exam hall
It’s impossible to avoid laughing because everyone is so tense that the only alternative is probably to actually break down and cry.
There’s always one person that looks so nervous and red-faced that they need a brown bag to breathe for fear of passing out.
How about your best friend that constantly tries to make you laugh by giving you a weird look from across the aisle? Or the people who don’t give a single shit as they leave the exam 30 minutes into it.
They usually walk out of the exam hall like this.
15) Repeat, repeat, repeat
Sadly, unless you win the Lotto or marry a millionaire, you’re bound to sit quite a few more exams in your life but don’t worry, we’re certain that you’ll all get an A+ and earn a decent night out on the town.
Good luck!
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