How many of these people have you seen?
There’s nothing quite like having some laid-back craic with your mates on a comfortable couch but you’re guaranteed to see some of these people making an appearance also.
Take a look and let us know if there are any we’ve missed out.
1) iPod DJ
Ugh, these people are the very worst because they’re never happy with what’s being played.
It doesn’t matter what tunes are on because according to them, ‘It’s all about this upcoming Senegalese crunkcore band that everyone MUST have on their iPod, unless they’re a musical moron’.
You’ve permission to kick these people up the arse if you ever meet them.
2) Wreck it Ralph
Do you have a friend that means well but they just have this magical ability to smash the living s**t out of anything that’s near them? Introducing, Wreck it Ralph…
Seriously, the room could be totally empty but this friend of yours would still manage to set the curtains on fire, break a lamp and let off an ungodly fart. All in the space of three minutes.
It’s a gift that they proudly use.
3) Guitar wanker
It’s Saturday night for feck’s sake, no one wants to hear your rendition of Wonderwall or Wish You Were Here at 11pm.
Still though, come back to us after a few more drinks for a sing-along. We’ll probably be nicer and tone-deaf then.
4) ‘Overly enthusiastic’ Eoghan
Have you ever been to a party and felt like you were being interrogated by a complete stranger during a conversation?
‘Hi, how are you? Who do you know here? What do you do? Have you been here long? Do you own those trousers?’ etc.
Our advice to these people? Chill out.
5) The trout of no craic
Maybe this person is staying sober for the evening because they’re driving home or perhaps they’ve just been dragged to the party by their partner and they don’t know anyone here.
Still, there’s always someone that looks like their goldfish has just been murdered and the most recent episode of Game of Thrones has been spoiled for them.
6) The Kitchen club
Any house party will see cliques and groups forming because a bunch of friends will usually treat strangers with this sort of look.
This being said, there are certain people that always spend the entire night in the kitchen and refuse to move. We reckon that they’re raiding the fridge while no one else is looking.
7) Tom and Mary
You’re bound to see a couple arguing at an Irish house party. It’s not like this warring couple are making everyone else in the vicinity feel really awkward and uncomfortable.
Lets just agree that there’s no right and wrong in this little lovers’ tiff, they’re both equally annoying.
8) Billy no mates
Like that tin of beans that has been in your cupboard for years, no one knows how, when or why this person is at the party, nor do we want to know.
This guy usually claims to be a friend of a friend but they’re probably just some creep that wandered in off the street.
Cue a nonchalant exit after being ‘discovered’.
9) Meltdown Maria
We’re strong advocates of people discussing their problems here in JOE, but not everything requires Paul Gascoigne ‘Italia 90-esque’ tears and some huge emotional drama.
Not being able to access the Wi-Fi in the building isn’t a good enough reason to justify a strop that’s reminiscent of a 7-year-old who just dropped their ice cream.
To these people we say, cop the feck on and have a drink.
10) Can robber
These heathens regularly commit the most heinous crime since, well, Michael Conlan was robbed in Rio, but what’s shocking is that these can robbers get away with it on a weekly basis.
Someone call Crime Line immediately.
11) Toilet Queuer
They spend more time waiting for and using the bathroom than anything else.
12) Quagmire
You have to love those guys that basically see house parties as a form of speed dating.
These lotharios just bounce around the room like a horny pinball that will chat up anything in its sight.
13) Frank the Tank
The life of the party that’s usually an expert at flip-cup, beer pong and countless other drinking games.
They also know everyone in the room but beware: these party animals are also usually the first people to take off their clothes, bring a random object into the house or hook-up with someone in your bed.
In a word, heroes.
14) The ‘one too many’ merchant
God love them but they just don’t know their limits. Cue this person puking their stomach up whilst being draped over the toilet bowl.
15) ‘Not leaving’ Liam
These party animals are usually slumped on your couch and don’t have the energy nor the will to leave. Trust us, they would happily stay in your home until Wednesday if they could whilst eating your food and watching Netflix.
It’s not that bad though because these guys are usually your best friend, so this sort of behaviour is allowed.
Brought to you by Crunchie – For the mouth that craves the Friday Feeling.
Obey Your Mouth.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
