3 years ago
21 jokes that are so bad they're actually brilliant (but still quite bad)
1. How do you sell a deaf man a chicken? *leans in close* YOU WANNA BUY A CHICKEN?!?
2. How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the fresh prints.
3. I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
4. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.
5. What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
6. I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
Originally by Tim Vine. Submitted to Reddit by smoakwave
7. I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
8. What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1
9. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bagels.
10. My friend entered a pun contest. He entered ten, figuring at least one of them would win, but no pun in ten did.
11. What's Harry Potter's favourite method of getting down a hill? Walking... JK, Rolling.
12. What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
13. What has two legs and bleeds? Half a cat.
14. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? Robin, get in the car.
15. What's Whitney Houston's favourite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!!!!
16. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
17. Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they'd still be on the boat.
18. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
19. And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth; and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
20. I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
21. What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.
Sorry, everyone. Sorry about that.