We’ve all had a crazy housemate…
You never really know how weird someone is until you’re already living with them and by then it’s usually too late; a signed lease is harder to get out of than a gym membership, a bill phone contract and your sister-in-law’s 32nd birthday party combined.
Sure you think you’re a good judge of character but how can you spot the girl who’s going to eat all your peanut butter and steal your favourite mug, from the lad who counts out every cornflake in his breakfast bowl?
It might seem an impossible task in this daft jungle to find the perfect roommate, but have faith, go forth and question the bejaysus out of them.
1) Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Okay, this may seem like a basic first date style question but we all know what they say about only children… they only know how to play with themselves. So hide your toys because they won’t be sharing and they won’t be caring.
Tip; The youngest child is probably a good bet, they’re so used to a childhood of having to eat the crap sweets that they actually like Bountys.
2) How many points did you get in your leaving?
Immediately disqualify anyone who answers this question seriously. No one remembers, no one cares and if they can’t detect your humour they should never have been allowed out of transition year.
3) Are you single?
Never mind how how creepy this might seem at first, this is essential knowledge. Are you getting two for the rent of one? Is there a broken heart coming into the house and you’re about to be listening to power ballads at 3am? Like we said, essential knowledge.
4) What kind of food do you like?
Sure this seems innocent enough but what you’re actually doing is finding out if they are the type of person who has tuna with brown sauce for breakfast and eats egg out of tupperware boxes on a warm summer’s day.
Tip; If anyone describes themselves as a foodie, watch out because their rent money will likely be spent on tiny burgers, oversized chips and stanky cheese.
5) Do you like to travel?
Another simple one to catch them off guard, straight away you’ll know if you’re going to be left scrambling for a new housemate when they take off to Mongolia for the Winter.
And if they say no? Well then you’re probably talking to a liar or someone from Kerry.
6) What kind of music do you like?
If a single Garth Brooks reference is made, hang up, walk away and block them on every medium possible.
7) Describe yourself in one word?
If any of the following; clean, neat, tidy, spotless, orderly, hygienic or spruce are mentioned you should know you’re talking to the messiest person alive and you will never ever see the bottom of your sink again.
And should it happen you do still end up with a verruca infected barefoot yodeller, at least you’ll have some stories to tell.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
