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23rd October 2017
04:17pm BST

We’re pretty sure we’ve had coffee before. It may not have been brewed from coffee beans that have passed through the digestive system of an Indonesian cat but it’s still coffee.
You do realise that you were one of those tourists, right? It’s like someone farting in a room and then complaining about the smell.
Drunken war stories from a beach in Thailand are the same as drunken war stories from a nightclub in Dublin. No one cares, no one finds it as interesting as you do, and everyone just wants the story to end as quickly as possible.
No, we don’t. In fact, we’re going to specifically avoid doing that if we’re ever in the neighbourhood just because you keep banging on about it. Stop trying to force your holiday experiences on other people.
You backpacked and drank your way around Europe for four weeks. It’s not like you walked barefoot through a desert while contemplating the nature of human existence.
That’s funny. You managed to upload an awful lot of travel snaps to Instagram for someone who turned their back on social media.
Stop. Please stop. This is no time to shoehorn your Argentina story into an unrelated conversation.
Listen, hippy. You may have decided to swear off material goods but I’m not going to sell my PlayStation, alright?
Translation: My trip there will be better than any trip you ever do in the future because I got to see the “real” country/city/jungle village. Or to put it another way, I’m a bit of a smug git.
Travelling can be a great experience but being well-travelled is not always a good thing, as this video proves! Homebird – 100% Irish chicken and turkey.
Brought to you by Homebird.
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