If only…
Ireland created history on March 29, 2004 when it became the first country in the world to ban smoking in public areas like offices, restaurants, enclosed public places and, of course, the pub.
While it’s the norm in many nations nowadays, there is no question that the massive change took a lot of getting used to in pubs across Ireland.
We’ve never looked back though so, while we’re at it, let’s take a look at 10 other things that could make like smoking in Irish pubs and do one.
Note: These are very much first world complaints, as we love the pub. It’s great. But it would be even better without these nuisances…
People texting
Yes, we know it’s never going to happen on a sweeping scale like the smoking ban, but we still think something could be done in certain situations.
For example, if a group of four people or more are all on their phones and not conversing, then they have to go.
See also, checking Google to resolve a debate about some useless information/trivia – that is exactly what the pub is for.
Overly loud music at inappropriate times
This JOE once had a sandwich in a packed pub at lunchtime while ‘No Limit’ by 2 Unlimited – an absolute tune it may be – blared through the speakers, forcing everyone to intensely eat their lunch. It was quite something.
A sandwich was never consumed so quickly, as I chewed to the beat.
https://youtu.be/RkEXGgdqMz8
Clip via YouTube/skv90rec
That’s an extreme example, but it happens all too often when you and your buddies are sitting down having a chat, screaming in to helpless ears.
Reserve that volume being turned up to 11 until Coppers time, please.
People who shush other people when Johnny Sexton/*insert favourite out half* is about to kick a penalty/conversion
No, we won’t shush. He can’t hear us so we’re going to keep on texting talking. Johnny doesn’t need our help here.
Lads who use the middle urinal when the other two are free
Let’s keep the gap two urinals apart, given the scope for choice, so that the respectful nod can occur and you can both give out about the lack of pub silence during Sexton’s crucial kick.
Ladies, we can’t speak on your behalf here, but we imagine there is an equally annoying equivalent.
That person on their own who takes up a four-seater table during a busy time
Listen, we’ve nothing against having a pint on your todd. In fact, sometimes there is nothing better than just sitting there watching the world go by, while sipping on a cold one.
The annoying thing is when that one person is taking up a table full of space during a busy time, leaving a group of six huddled in the corner, each holding about 17 items each and looking like they’d rather be anywhere else.
The person who orders stout last
If you’ve ever worked in a pub you’ll have fallen victim to this injustice at least a couple of times.
“Can I have, eh, three Heineken, two vodka and coke, a glass of house red, five packets of crisps… oh, hold on, four Guinness as well? Or Murphy’s. Whichever.”
Good grief.
The queue skipper
You know the type, you’ve been waiting patiently in the five-deep queue for ages and you just know that this person is going to skip their way to the top.
You can see it a mile off.
You get to the bar, do the lean against the counter with the money outstretched at your fingertips, alerting the bar person’s attention, and then this devious *expletive* steals the stage.
This same person can also be found ordering stout last.
Not getting change from €5 when ordering one pint
We understand that pubs have to keep up with overheads, we really do, but you should be getting at least 20 cent back when spending a 5er on a beer.
It’s the €6.40, and we’re only giving a standard example there, that really grinds.
People who order a cup of tea after 9pm in a busy pub
What are you doing?! Just go home and get tea there, it’s much nicer anyway and you’ll be all set for bed.
The problem with this most unholy of acts is that it takes the bar staff out of the game for about five minutes, which is an eternity when all you want to do is top up your pint.
When the tea is finally served, watch the queue grow by a further two deep.
The thousand yard stare when you walk into the pub
The most Irish of occurrences and something that will never be banned, because you really can’t go into most pubs in this country without knowing someone.
The further you go from the city the more likely this is to happen, and we’ve all been there.
You walk into the bar, and, for a brief moment, everybody stops in their tracks and turns around to see who has just come in.
The better known you are in the area, the less time you will be subjected to this silent interrogation.
But, if nobody recognises you, prepare for a stare down all the way to your seat and beyond.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
