28. Pink Wafers
They’re grand if you like sawdust that tastes like Calpol.
Awful things.
27. Iced Rings
Might as well eat six sugar cubes.
26. Bourbon Creams
Funeral biscuits.
25. Ginger Nuts
Tasty enough, but they’re like biting into a brick.
24. Rich Tea
They’re biscuits for people who are denying the fact that they want a real biscuit.
23. Lemon Puffs
If the mark of a good biscuit is its dunkability (not a word? we don’t care) in tea, then the Lemon Puff fails every time.
22. Coconut Creams
Pointless.
21. Fox’s Jam ‘n Cream
20. Hob Nobs
The worst thing they ever did to the Hob Nob was to create the Chocolate Hob Nob.
19. Digestives
Great for tea, don’t get us wrong, but nothing special of itself.
18. Jammie Dodgers
They look better than they taste, in truth.
17. Kimberleys
A deserved place in the top 20. An Irish staple.
16. Fig Rolls
You need to eat them fresh – when they go a bit stale they’re disgusting.
15. Jersey Creams
“Ah here, Granny, seriously? Where’s the good stuff?”
14. Maryland chocolate chip cookies
Inexpensive and they get the job done.
13. Custard Creams
The 1980s are alive and well and living in your mother’s biscuit tin.
12. Caramel Digestives
11. Chocolate Polos
All biscuits are better with chocolate, and the same goes for the Polo. The best use of coconut since the Mikado.
10. Fox’s Crunch Creams
These are what come out of the press when the mother has visitors over, and she tells the da to take out “the good biscuits.”
9. Toffypops
Solid, dependable, will never really trouble the top five. They’re the Everton of the biscuit world, pun intended.
8. Cadbury’s Chocolate Rich Tea
Well la-di-da, your majesty.
7. Chocolate Kimberleys
Every Christmas, obliterated. We remember a life before the Chocolate Kimberley; it was dark and full of terrors.
6. Chocolate Digestives
They don’t need the caramel, when you think about it. Less is more. Perfect with tea, coffee, on their own, served on a sea of perfume floating in a man’s hat, whatever…
5. Chocolate Fingers
We have never once felt guilty about destroying an entire packet in the space of 13 minutes.
4. Chocolate Hobnobs
King of the Hobnobs.
3. Jaffa Cakes
They’re biscuits, right? End of discussion. And they’re feckin’ fantastic.
2. Mint Viscounts
This, THIS close to the number one spot, but it got knocked off because a couple of people in the office don’t like them. A plague on both their houses.
1. Fox’s Chunkie Cookies – the best biscuits in Ireland
Perhaps not the traditional choice, but they’re better than any other biscuit on the market today. Loads of bite, plenty of chocolate chips, perfect with a beverage. A deserved winner.
**KLAXON: We forgot the Mikado. Definitely top ten, we love a Mikado, the journalist has been sent home and told to go straight to his room (with a packet of shitty pink wafers)**
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
