Five pearls of wisdom that prove Mammy knows best

With Mother's Day fast approaching this Sunday, we look at some nuggets of advice from the mammy that won't steer you wrong.

'Wrap up, you'll catch your death' Mammies are obsessed with their offspring being clothed appropriately for inclement weather. The mantra stems from it being better to be safe than sorry. Here in Ireland, our weather is at best, awful, so it's no wonder that our mothers are hell bent on making sure we keep warm. We moan and tell her that she is over-reacting, but you know yourself, that in a couple of hours, when you are walking into a force eight gale which is actually peeling off your eyebrows, you are delighted to be wearing three jumpers, two vests and a coat made from actual insulation. It is always better to be warm than cold. Unless, of course, you're a snowman. 'Make sure you are wearing clean underwear' Another sartorial suggestion from our mothers. The reasoning being that if you are unfortunate to be in an accident, at least the paramedics can concentrate on fixing you without the distraction of your grimy jocks. The emergency services have a tough enough job trying to save people's lives without having to witness the horror of unclean underwear. It's always good to wear clean underwear. It's a wonder some mothers have to tell their children this. Clean underwear is a must folks, don't ever ignore this. Accidents aside, when it comes to romance and close encounters of the heart, imagine the moment of abject horror from your partner when he or she sees your stained undies. It's a passion killer right there.  'Don't eat with your mouth open' Mothers have been distributing this advice since the dawn of time. With good reason too. You've met the girl of your dreams and you are crazy about her. You bring her to a fancy restaurant to wine and dine her. You've even gone to the trouble of putting clean underwear on. No expense is being spared here. You are jovial and compelling in conversation and your witty anecdotes are making her laugh out loud. You are in the zone! The main course comes around and you both get stuck into the foie gras with mustard seeds and green onions in duck. You both make that knowing sound of enjoyment, the big 'MMMMM' as you taste the first mouthful. It's perfect. For that one moment in your life, everything is perfect. She seems smitten and then she looks to gaze at you lovingly. What she sees is someone chewing food with great gusto and doing a very good impression of a washing machine tossing food around. It's like looking into the back of a bin lorry as the big metal jaws crush the bags of rubbish that have been tossed into it. All your hard work is undone. She recoils in horror and you are back in the 'maybe' category. Listen to your mother. Don't eat with your mouth open. 'It's very rude to stare at people' As a child, it was always baffling to hear this from your mother. That's what kids do. They stare at people they don't know. All sorts of things are going through their little heads. 'I wonder is he a murderer or a superhero!' or 'His nose is the same size as his arms'. Kids observe. It's what they do. However, in later life, this advice is especially pertinent. You simply cannot stare at people in modern society. You are on public transport and you are daydreaming. You may be daydreaming about your dinner or a match or whatever, but unbeknownst to you, you happen to be staring at a woman opposite you. She is unnerved by your gaze and shifts uncomfortably in her seat. Next thing you know there's a can of mace being emptied into your face and you are lying on your back in a haze of confusion and shame. The mother knows you have to look. Just don't let the look linger into a stare and you'll be doing just fine. 'If you've got nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all' This is a piece of advice which resonates with us here in JOE. We believe in treating others as we would like to be treated. Nobody likes a smart ass. The temptation is often there to respond to something you've  heard with a hilarious put-down or a sarcastic comment. Sure you think you've garnered a reputation amongst your friends of being somewhat witty, but what they really feel, and what everyone else is thinking, is that you are a grade A douchebag who struggles in life. It's always good to keep counsel in these situations. Silence is golden. We are certainly not telling people not to have a laugh and joke around, but you know the ones whohave never  anything nice to say. The merchants of doom, the negative, smug, deluded people who think they are the centre of the universe, but in reality are very sad, lonely people. Mammy knows best.   This year One4all Gift Cards have a special edition Mother’s Day Gift Card on www.one4all.ie. Place your order by 4pm Wednesday 26^th March to make delivery for Mother’s Day 30^th March. For those of us that are very last minute, you can pick one up at your local Post Office up until Saturday 29^th March and right up until Mother’s Day, Sunday 30^th March at selected PostPoint outlets including Topaz and Applegreen Service Stations nationwide!  The One4all Gift Card can be spent in thousands of outlets nationwide and online. The One4all Gift Card is issued by Bank of Ireland.  Bank of Ireland is regulated by the Central Bank of Ireland.