It’s the end of the world as we know it.
There are certain pivotal moments in the history of humankind when we are all stakeholders and all accountable. It is not enough to claim something that fundamentally changed the course of our collective destinies simply happened. The question for all eternity becomes: What did YOU do to stop it?
First they came for our Marathon bars, and we did not speak out, and they became Snickers. Then they came for our Opel Fruits, and we did not speak out, and they became Starburst. Then they made our Lion Bars smaller and not as nice, and we did not speak out…and they were smaller and not as nice.
And now they’ve come for our Toblerones, and it’s too fucking late. That’s right – they’ve only gone and tampered with the most iconic profile of all confectionary. The mountainous silhouette of delicious Swiss chocolate triangles, combining honey and almond nougat, are no more. They’ve absolutely fucked it.
When once there was this…
There is now this:
Yep. Sickening isn’t it. Like a malnourished snake that happened upon a packet of Doritos. The hefty triangular prism chunks that make the Toblerone so magnificent, are being replaced with these misery peaks – like when you lay a cable and pinch too abruptly to leave a shitty peak*.
(*sorry to be so graphic, but sometimes only shock tactics are able to shake the petty bourgeoisie out of their cloudy indifference)
The change will result in the weight of the 400g bars being reduced to 360g and the 170g bars to 150g.
“We chose to change the shape to keep the product affordable for our customers,” explains the Toblerone Facebook page. As if we the people wanted our luxurious chocolately treats to become some sort of cheap budget option. As you can see from the comments below, the people are revolting…
Alas, these are the noble few making themselves heard. It is something of a disgrace that everyone else too consumed with trivial matters such as the legality of Brexit and the next Leader of the Free World to care about the very cocoa spine of our society. Don’t let Toblerones be the next casualty of our collective insouciance.
This article originally appeared on JOE.co.uk.
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