You’ll recognise some of these.
We’ve definitely seen a lengthening of the days. The mornings are slightly brighter and it’s getting dark a little bit later. To us, that signals the onset of summer and of course the inevitable package holiday to wherever takes your fancy on the continent.
This is a very light-hearted look at some of the people you are likely to encounter, as you saunter around the pool in your flip-flops with not a worry in the world.
1. The Culchie
We are not talking about all people from outside of Dublin. We are talking about people who who come from outside Dublin who represent the quintessential culchie. There is a difference and you can spot them.
The sort of character who packs several packets Rich Tea biscuits and Tayto crisps into his suitcase, just in case there’s NOTHING to eat. You’ll spot the same fella wearing his GAA jersey at the pool, out for dinner and to the nightclub.
He makes an effort going to the nightclub so he’ll wear the jersey with shoes and maybe a pair of chinos. Expect to meet him at the DJ box asking the Spanish DJ if he has ‘Galway Girl’.
2. The Dub
Again, we are not talking about all people from Dublin, but we are talking about the quintessential Dub. He might wear a Dublin GAA jersey, but more likely to wear a football jersey from any one of the following clubs: Celtic, Manchester United or Liverpool.
He’ll have tattoos too, a sleeve and will most definitely have a cap. He’ll be the one who is singing Crazy World by Aslan at the top of his voice from the balcony as he stands there with just a towel to hide his modesty.
3. The Stud
He’s the man who arrives with a tan. He works out and is only too willing to show you the fruits of his labour. He buys t-shirts two sizes too small for him to accentuate the sculpted, toned body.
His teeth are freakishly white and his hair is immaculate. He’ll be the one walking around the pool followed by a bevvie of beauties. You’ll see him eating breakfast with a different girl every second morning.
4. The Moaner
This is the fella who will tell you repeatedly that it is too warm. That the apartment he has is too small/big/wide/long/narrow/broad. He will tell you that the food is different, and not good different.
He’ll complain that the locals haven’t ‘bothered their holes learning English’. He’ll tell you that the sea is too wet and that the sky is too blue. You know the sort. Avoid at all costs.
5. The Drinker
The Irish have a reputation for drinking, but this person is on a different level altogether. This is the guy who was carried on to the airplane by his mates as they convinced the staff that he had fainted due to lack of Vitamin D and was going abroad to save his life.
He always seems to have a bottle, can or pint in his hand. He’ll have it morning, noon and night and never gets a hangover because he never stops and the whole holidays is one massive two week session.
6. The Joker
Every pack has one, normally self-appointed. This is the annoying lad who laughs at everything and thinks life is hysterical all day long. He’ll attempt to pull down people’s shorts and will laugh uncontrollably when he does it.
He’ll be the one pushing people into the pool and at night time he’ll pull stools away from lads about to sit down on them. He’ll spend the day doing Nidge and Jake Stevens impressions, but he’ll be the only one laughing.
7. The Poser
This is the lads who thinks he’s The Stud, but quite often, he doesn’t end up with the girl. No matter, because he will be straining and contorting his body at the pool to give the illusion of a toned and healthy individual. He’ll be wearing knock-off Armani shades and will probably have both ears pierced.
His clothes will all have the designer brands emblazoned across them. He’ll be wearing the Hilfiger t-shirts, the Ralph Lauren shorts, the Billabong flip-flops and his hair will be almost of lego quality. He’s bound to be a spoofer too. Will be found checking out his own reflection in everything – windows, mirrors, other peoples shades etc.
8. The Unkempt
You’ll only realise who this guy is on day four or five of the holiday after it registers with you that he hasn’t changed his clothes since day one. There’ll be food and drink stains down the front of this top and his once white running shoes will be black.
His hair will be Meg Ryan on a bad-hair bad and his teeth will look like rows of corn.
9. The Linguist
This lad sat through four classes of Spanish when in secondary school and considers himself fluent in the lingo. He’ll attempt the language even though most of the staff in shops, bars and hotels speak good English.
Will say ‘hola’ and ‘adios’ a lot. He’ll even shoehorn them all in to one sentence to make it look like he knows what’s talking about.
‘Hola adios…eh..por favor…..eh…..Barcelona…….eh….Ole?’
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ with Aideen McQueen – Faith healers, Coolock craic and Gigging as Gaeilge
